okay, i have an amendment i’d like to see passed…
…since my previous idea obviously didn’t take hold.
in the past i wanted to see the people that have handicap tags STRICTLY because they’re obese have new tags issued and new parking painted in that made them have to park at the BACK of the lot and walk across the whole thing to get some fat of their ass – i think i even put in the bit that if they parked in a NORMAL space instead of the “orange zone” where they were supposed to, they could be fined up to $200…
…and if they fucking DARED to park in a handicap space for a REAL handicap person (NOTE: the inability to stop after the sixth trip to the pizza hut buffet line does NOT make you “disabled”, just “XXXXXXXXXXL”) then we get to impound their cars, melt them down, and use the recycled metal, rubber, and what-not to build wheelchairs and walkers for REAL disabled folks who maybe can’t afford one.
never saw that law go into effect. saw my mom, crippled with bone cancer, have to park a few spaces further out so some lard-ass could have HER rightful space – that’s where this comes from, by the way. in my defense, i didn’t come up with the idea till after she’d been in the ground for about half a decade…snooze and lose, i suppose. in case you’re curious, the same fat people in the spaces are still fat…some even fatter…and still in the handicap spaces.
that’s fucked up.
so, since they, the unworthy, still get to use them legally ALL the time, i think we normal people should get to use them, under the following conditions:
1. you’ll be in and out in five minutes (barring any unforeseen god-awful lines, which from outside you could never predict)
2. it’s really shitty weather (the day i’m writing this it’s 48 degrees and raining here)
3. your dog’s in the car
i figure if you hit two outta three, you should have the right. this bit was inspired by the combination of me having to jog half-way across a big grocery store parking lot just to return a redbox rental (which resulted in me just getting an unhealthy lunch of cheese-stuffed jalapenos and fried catfish since i was already there) and thinking about a simpsons episode as i did said jogging (on the way back to the car) where they passed some ordinance where “regular people can park in handicap spaces as long as they’re just running in for smokes or lotto tickets”.
where’s that reality-based logic in our world anymore?