pump and dump

i’ve never been one to let urban legends effect my world…

…but today they did.

i went to get gas and happened to be on the phone at the time. i had left the bluetooth at home so the phone was on my shoulder. i make it about a dollar into my fill up when the little crappy speaker on the speaker squawks at me…

sir, please hang up your phone while you pump gas, please

“fuck you – you’re not my mother”, i mumble to myself, and keep filling up…

sir, you need to hang up your phone so there’s not an explosion

“bullshit – that’s just an urban legend”, i reply, and keep doing what i’m doing until…*CLICK* – the pump stops at $8.37 – which i know KNOW didn’t fill up my tank. then the speaker crackles to life again…

sir, i can’t turn your pump back on until you hang up the phone

so i got in my car, drove off, and finished filling up somewhere else. i had done the pay-at-the-pump thing, so it’s not like the gas i had so far wasn’t being paid for. sadly this has happened to me before (different station, not as harsh a result) in lockhart and when i asked the attendant why they thought this was a risk (it’s not) they said they had seen it on the internet.

listen…

…i’ve seen a three-boobed angelina jolie blow a midget in a xena, warrior princess outfit on the internet. doesn’t mean it ACTUALLY happened. a lot of what’s on the internet is bullshit! hell, look at half the stuff on this site!

wait – forget that last part…

…the point is, AJ doesn’t have three boobs – so we know that was bullshit. has she ever dressed up as xena and blown a midget? possibly – before she started trying to adopt half the third world she seemed like a pretty kinky bitch…but she DIDN’T have a third boob put in, so you have to just accept a good part of the internet as bullshit based on entertainment value, NOT reality.

never let the facts get in the way of the story

kramer taught me that – and if i could have it in needlepoint on the wall of my office, i just might…

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Kramer Dec 17, 2009 @ 12:34

    But I read it on a website, so it has to be true, right?