regerets, i’ve had a few…(a sunday sixer)

…but then again, too few to mention…

…oh, no – wait. fuck it, i’ll mention ’em. after all, this site is basically me mentioning (at the least, more often droning on and on about) various shit, right? so, yeah…i guess i should mention them.

with today being the day of the dead (people, know your mexican holidays) i figured i’d do a sixer about six corpses that touched my life pre-corpse phase and moved on to the corpse phase…the “c word” being used so often so this doesn’t get depressing or overly emotional, of course – not meant out of disrespect.

(and despite the title these are all those i personally knew, not sinatra or other celebrities – they’re also in, save for the last couple, no particular order)

6. grandpa edwards – my maternal grandfather, who i never got to meet, as he was killed in a car wreck before i was born. lesson learned? drinking and driving kills…stopped me completely? no. slowed me down more than once? yes. and probably part of why i never drank till i turned twenty-eight. my rule being if i’m sober enough to be aware of what i’m doing AND remember why i never met him, i’m cool…seems to be holding up pretty good so far.

5. papa (i.e. dr. mccauley) – my paternal grandfather…who was actually an ob/gyn – lest you think i called him “dr.” out of familial respect or something. lesson learned? learn from your mistakes AND know your limits. the first part coming from how we (as in his grandkids) all remember him…a sweet, cool, cigar-smoking guy we all loved and respected. his three boys have all told me he ruled with an iron thumb – guess he learned later in life to be cool so we remember him differently…don’t know how much i woulda liked the iron thumb. second part coming from how he died – incredibly advanced cancer caught WAY too late ’cause being a man of medicine he figured he knew his own body better than anybody. cancer proved that wrong.

4. grandma kay – my maternal grandmother, who died three weeks shy of her ninety-fifth birthday, and that was actually what she WANTED for her ninety-fifth birthday. lesson learned? enjoy your happiness five minutes at a time and, more importantly, without good friends to share it with life ain’t worth shit. this is basically a reflection of the last conversation we had while she was alive, with the word “shit” added in as my grandmother would NEVER use the word “shit”. ever. but here was her response after she told me that, for her birthday, she wanted us to all just let her go and be at peace, and i asked her “why?”

sean, you know how you can talk to an old friend from high school or the university and have some conversation that contains the phrase, “hey, remember when we…”. i can’t do that any more and haven’t been able to for years…they’re all dead. i outlived ’em all…

something to think about as you chow down on healthier food to live a bit longer…when you’r’e the last one standing, what does that MEAN, exactly? she went on to tell me that you gotta focus on being happy in five minute increments, so i asked her what would make the next five minutes happy for her. she replied, “a pepsi” ’cause the nurses wouldn’t bring her one. last thing i did for my grandma before i kissed her on the forehead the last time was go to the nurses lounge and buy her a pepsi. six and a half weeks later i gave her eulogy.

3. morticia – my eighteen year plus old columbian red-tailed boa constrictor. lesson learned? always be as friendly as you can (she even hugged her food) and, more importantly, that it IS possible for a living creature that i’m NOT blood-related to to survive almost two decades of living with me. like any other dangerous situation now that we’ve passed the animal testing phase it’s time to move on to human subjects…that’s not gone well in the past, ya know.

2. micheal calum mccauley – my eleven and a half year old rott mix that died in november of 2007. lesson learned? to do things your way and take joy in the small stuff. seriously the closest thing i’ll ever have to a son, and since he was my barometer for women (he had 100% accuracy on this and when i’d take up with someone he DIDN’T approve of it never went well) probably a guarantee i’ll be single forever as now i’ll never know if the next special somebody would pass the “calum test” – although it’s not like he rejected EVERYBODY, so there are some girls out there he approved of, but i always say “don’t go where you’ve already been ’cause there’s a reason you’re not there anymore…” when it comes to relationships.

1. elizabeth e. mccauley – i.e. “mom”. NOBODY should be surprised here. lesson learned? where to begin? first thing that springs to mind is “even if you put in your best effort your kid can still turn out a fuck up” but i guess i’m not THAT bad…