the intellectual quilt

the title implies a bit more complexity than this entry will contain, i’m afraid…but i’ve used “nuggets” a few times too often, and “brain droppings” is the name of a carlin book. “chunks o’ mind” sounded like a soup straight out of “cooking by dahmer”, so you got something that sounded a bit more polished. sue me. the bottom line is, it’s groups of little shit further proving that i can’t hold a thought for too fucking long…

group i want to see die today

there’s always a new one, right? well, today’s group are the ones that see a tv commercial that we’ve all seen a hundred times for the first time…then laugh out loud at it. a lot. a WHOLE damn lot. like your buddy’s drunk girlfriend at the superbowl party a couple of years ago kinda lot…you know, where everybody pretty much agreed that she needed to get kicked to the curb based on that fact alone? well, add to that the fact that AFTER the laughter died down, they start repeating or describing out loud what happened to kick their laughter in again. did you know taking a tazer to someone at a delaware subs shop is illegal? neither did i ’till the cops informed me of it a bit too late. my court date is march 7th, for anyone who cares.

scary roadside snacks

when the san marcos outlet mall was in it’s infancy (i.e. NOT the size of a county in west texas, as it is now) the biggest store they had was eddie bauer. of course, this was also when people actually WORE eddie bauer. but amongst the polar fleece and deer skin gloves and various neutral colored frat boy wear was something that scared the hell out of me that i think i may have touched on here before…

salmon.

not in a cooler. not in a fridge. just smoked, vacuum-sealed fish. seasoned and smoked and sealed to be kept at room temperature. FISH that can be stored at room temperature. in a word, ick. why do i not trust that? and why do i not trust a sign that i saw on 360 out in rather ritzy west austin? it said…

“delicious beef jerky up ahead – ask about free samples!!!”

and sure enough, up ahead was a minivan with the back opened up and some guy in a lawn chair selling beef by the side of the road. and he’d let you try some for free. is this supposed to be a deal? would you trust roadside jerky with nary a grill or a fridge in sight? am i alone on this one? why do i sense a kramer comment coming out of this that will be FOR the jerky guy? i was just surprised…but not surprised that nobody was pulling over. something tells me the market for roadside jerky is kinda limited. but maybe that’s just me.

he’s not the prince of fucking darkness for nothing

so, loooooong before Mtv turned him into america’s favorite dad, there was a show on discovery (or tlc, or something that passes for educational on cable that stoned kids just LOVE, as do i) called fame and fortune and they did a bit on ozzy and the clan (which they replayed a day or two ago); with hottie daughter amy (who did not want her world invaded by Mtv crews and moved out when the series was filmed) and the other kids looking rather young and it featured their old house in england that they had renovated. amongst the renovations, was something that sharon INSISTED on to keep the marriage together because ozz kept getting up in the middle of the night and peeing all over seat…

URINALS!!!

damn, i knew i just had to respect that man for more than just the music, mayhem, and random decapitation…

Replies: 7 Comments

are you kidding me? RONCO FOOD DEHYDRATOR for jerky all the way! What kind of twisted-ass trailer park did you grow up in?

fredlet said @ 02/04/2003 11:14 PM CST

damn…who knew the jerky comment would bring so much reaction? there was a new jerky guy staking his turf on 360 today…and his sign said “FRESH jerky”, which he did keep in a cooler…but is there such a thing as fresh jerky?

sean M (again) said @ 02/04/2003 09:28 PM CST

you don;t need a fridge or a grill when jerky is involved. they salt and smoke the meat to preserve it. that’s what the settlers did. and, while it may seem strange to a texas boy like yourself, in other parts of the world, they jerky-fie meats other than beef. therefore, you see things like salmon jerky, turkey jerky, etc etc.

josh said @ 02/04/2003 08:58 PM CST

How do you preserve meat? Smoke it.

astrofishy said @ 02/04/2003 07:05 PM CST

maybe i’m missing something, but why do you need to see a grill or a fridge near jerky? Jerky is the perfect food: no cooking or refrigeration needed.

topenga said @ 02/04/2003 10:21 AM CST

well, yeah…who HASN’T eaten mexican food out of an ice chest used to keep it HOT? but that’s different…

sean said @ 02/04/2003 09:45 AM CST

Maybe not roadside jerky (I always want a dentist appointment after eating jerky), but I’ll stop almost anywhere in Texas for roadside tamales.

Scott Chaffin said @ 02/04/2003 09:01 AM CST