rack your balls (a flashback)

so, saturday night i FINALLY go back to work…at a hockey game. and half the crew is new. and it’s puck night. if i EVER needed a drink after work, this would be one of those times…but somehow, someway, it seems i ingested enough booze on friday to effect my digestive system pretty much ALL day on saturday; so i ruled that out, bailed on dinner with junior and amber, and went for something else that sounded a bit more tempting and i could see becoming a tradition…

breakfast and billiards, booze-free

okay, so maybe the “booze-free” part won’t become part of the TRADITION…but a pre-eight ball trip to ihop was nice, plus it let me see two of the stereotypical ihop folks that didn’t make my first list…

1. “the guy”: not “the token gay guy”, you understand…every ihop has one, and he’s usually the manager…he’s always in the short-sleeve, dilbert-style dress shirt with the “i bought this at wal-mart ’cause it looked fun” tie and a gut that reflects he takes full advantage of the free employee meals that managers get. you just get the impression the son of a bitch could SNAP at any second.

2. the reforming club chick: forced into indentured servitude to the pancake gods by her parents who figured if little miss what’s her name is gonna come in at all hours and likes to be up till the sun comes up, she might as well make some money at the same time…and not in that way. don’t get me wrong, she WILL bounce out of there eventually and be available for lap dances at the not-so-clean “gentleman’s club” near the airport within six months or so…but for now, she’s easy to spot as well, by the black bra underneath the required white blouse, and at least one piercing visible…usually an inner ear thing, although occasionally the eyebrow, which they make her cover with a band aid…great, now it doesn’t look she’s into body mod, just that her boyfriend has temper issues. good call.

then it was off to shoot some stick with josh (meant strictly in the billiard sense of the phrase). no humiliation, save for making our ninety pound blonde waitress show that she could break more manly than he could…but this time it wasn’t a shut-out…best of seven, and i won four to three…and it was even and even split there, too…each of us got one in the “win” column by the other sinking the eight too early…all was level. except the volume of the music…that was CRANKED.

shooting pool in texas always has to involve loud music (loud enough to where you can’t hear your mobile phone in your own pocket, unfortunately…but never mind that now), and if you go to the right kinda places where the TVs DON’T outnumber the staff OR the tables, then you’re pretty much assured certain tuneage will be your background…look for:

1. hotel california – the eagles

2. ANYTHING by stevie ray vaughn

3. at least two aerosmith songs

4. at least one current rap song – and if you look around for more than two seconds, you can EASILY spot which patron programmed it in…and a hint. it’s more likely to be the drunk white girl pole dancing with the cue than one of the black patrons egging her on…not that i’m complaining, of course…depending on the size of the white girl, of course.

5. sweet emotion – aerosmith

6. something by AC/DC that the drunken mullet head at the table next to you will try to match vocals on note for note…probably best to avoid breaking your cue over his head, though. for one, it’s a guarantee that you won’t be welcomed back…for two, how long did it take you to find a cue even remotely close to something resembling something that rhymes with straight? don’t let it die like that…

7. country music – but something so commercial, so played, that even i recognize it and can at least join in on the chorus.

8. the ‘what the fuck?’ tune: usually britney or n ‘sync or something that is thrown on either by, or by the friends of, the drunk white girl in number four…either have some ones or some shots ready for this one, too…again, depending on the size of the white girl…

9. the grunge anthem: okay, i admit i kinda like some of this stuff, too…but this is getting back to mullet boy’s pics, coming up on the rotation…it’ll be pearl jam, or soundgarden, or alice in chains…and the cue will become a fender strat for a minute or four…as long as he doesn’t windmill the solo, this can ride out smoothly…

10. the token modern rock song – rage or koRn or disturbed or something else made by angry white people, for angry white people, even if they don’t know why they’re angry…or aren’t completely sure they’re white. but this kinda music is kept to a minimum in pool joints for some reason…

next time you go to do the eight ball thing, see how well i do on this…and out of curiosity, for my foreign readers (i.e. OUT of texas) does this vary? other than brother stevie dropping off the list, of course…i figure that’s more regional…

Replies: 1 Comment

I don’t know whether to be more frightened because you were spot-on, or because the lineup doesn’t even change for karaoke night. (Or so I’ve heard… not that we’d know…)

Posted by kathi @ 11/11/2002 07:35 PM CST