blistery porno 3000 (a throwback)

she’s been a bit happier lately, but she’s had a rough year…

…i might have to send kimberly a preview link to this!

07/15/2002: “listen to barbie SQUEAL!!! (if you work for mattell, please don’t sue me)”

one of the most noble things we as human beings can do is save another person’s life. when one does such a thing, occasionally there is a reward involved. sometimes it’s a small gesture, like a card or a handshake. sometimes a bit more grand, like a cash reward or some sort of public display in the media.

but occasionally, it’s something really cool….like naked, squirming, tanned, blonde, barbie-doll-looking women moaning and squealing on into the night as you and kimberly, the porn star in training, share an evening together that also had me wondering how i feel about my toes getting licked. but perhaps i should back this up a bit and explain…

saturday evening, on my way in to work the lyle lovett show, i was talking to josh and planning the night’s drinking excursion when the other line rang and it was kimberly. i hadn’t heard from her in a couple of days, but one of the last times we HAD spoken, it was about she and i going to the sheryl crow show together on tuesday. figuring that was what the call was about, i got off the phone with josh only to hear a voice that KINDA sounded like kimberly say, “i don’t know who you’re on the other line with, but hang up on them ’cause this is more important….this is a matter of life and death…”

she went on to explain that for some inexplicable reason she had been feeling weaker and weaker over the last few days and for the last couple of days hadn’t even made it out of bed. when i asked her what brought it on, she said she didn’t know what had done it and she didn’t know what to do about it. since i was committed to working the show that night, my hands were pretty much tied. i suggested she drink plenty of fluids, make herself get up and move about a bit, and i’d call her on sunday and check on her.

when i called her sunday she sounded 100% better and explained that it was due to two factors:

1. my advice on hydrating and moving around


2. her fear of what i would say in HER astrowhore tribute….

so basically, i saved her life. which we decided was something worth celebrating, so i drove to san antonio to see her. we went out to dinner at outback, and she just said she had been feeling bummed lately, and wanted me to help cheer her up. no problem, i thought…i had a logical plan.

if you have a friend who’s a guitar god in training, you take them to alamo music. likewise, if they’re a porn star in training, you take them to the adult megaplexxx. so tonight i got to go shopping for porn with an expert shopping buddy. someone with a working knowledge in the field. a few “items” browsed and pondered, one dvd was purchased, COUNTLESS others made fun of, and back to the grotto de porn star we did go.

the rest of the night was a bit odd…barbie-doll looking naked women splashed in the surf with each other, or guys, or what have you; and through it all we had the xxx-rated version of “mystery science theater 3000” going with me, kimberly, and beufford the basset hound in training critiquing, comparing our skills to theirs, what we would (or wouldn’t) do the various women on the screen if WE got a hold of them, etc, etc, etc…

the dog, by the way, was the one who started licking my toes, for those of you who have forgotten how “special” kimberly thinks i am (i.e. she doesn’t wanna fuck me)…it’s just the fact he decided to do it after he watched twenty straight minutes of lesbian sex that i thought was a bit odd…what can we say? sometimes he’s a b-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-d dog….

Replies: 1 Comment

You really did know exactly what to do to cheer me up. The Adult Video Megaplexx was like taking a kid to a candy store…a fat chick to a buffet…Chet to a petting zoo full of blind, crippled sheep. Speaking of that, can ANYBODY explain why when most guys have Penthouse and Hustler stashed in their mattresses my boyfriend has a copy of Mother Goose’s nursery rhymes with particularly stiff and crusty pages when you get to Mary Had a Little Lamb and Baa Baa Black Sheep? And why is it that phone sex with us always starts out in a nice green pasture where he coats me with honey and rolls me in cotton balls? How come he grabs my ears and says “who’s your daaaaddy?” every time I tell him I want it rough? And WHY is it that when he says “i love you” he spells it e-w-e instead of y-o-u like everyone else?

Sandee Krotch (aka Porn Star) said @ 07/15/2002 08:09 AM GMT

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