you can roll dirty, just not dirty MOVIE (a flashback)

finally a law that hits us where it hurts…in more ways than one. let me reveal a guy secret real quick…there are basically three simple things that make us tick; and as long as all three are in balance in our world, we’re happy campers. if not, all goes black and swirly…

1. fucking
2. eating and drinking
3. sleeping

oh yeah, and driving? how many guys do you know that don’t like to drive? no matter WHAT you drive, we all like to drive. hell, that could basically make number four on the list. and we typically like to combine one of the things OFF the list with driving.

that’s why most open container tickets are given out to guys…’cause we’re always driving, and we’re always in need of a cold beverage. or something from the take-out line. we’ve all done the one fisted cheeseburger scarf with the steering wheel in the other (or, if standard transmission is present, hand on shifter, steer with knee). and what guy hasn’t gotten blown in his car in the middle of nowhere? (if you’re out there, sucks to be you…although not literally, i suppose). just try not to combine sleeping with driving; that can be deadly.

but tennessee is looking to change one of the simple driving combo platters. yes, from the land that gave us elvis and who’s motto is “tennesseein’ is tennebelievin'” they’ve now decided what you DON’T need to be tennesseein’ in your vehicle is PORN. the state recently passed a law that bars the big ballin’ shot callin’ tenneplayas rollin’ dub-style in their escalades from watchin’ anal asian sluts part XII if the screen can be viewed from the outside. ah, the bible belt…

life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…the three things we’re guaranteed as americans. and what’s a happier place than driving around with porn playing in your vehicle? i mean if you can’t roll down the boulevard with jenna jameson taking it up the ass on the back of your headrests, why don’t we just move to pakistan or something?

i guess the irony of this law is that is geared specifically towards fucking over southern people. i mean, who would spring for video monitors and NOT spring for window tint? if the glass is tinted so nobody can see your screens, you can watch that fun illegal shit. that midget rodeo clown beastiality shit. you know, the kind of stuff harold (owner of sharp things tattoos and piercings on the square in san marcos, 512-353-1170) watches. but never mind that now. hell, at least in texas we can still get away with it…

Replies: 6 Comments

i don’t particularly like to drive. i don’t really sleep a lot either. but the sex thing…as the kool-aid guy says “OH YEAH!!!”

josh said @ 06/26/2003 08:22 AM CST

but do you really bleed blood? I always thought it wold be more like BBQ sauce, or bourbon…

astrofishy said @ 06/25/2003 10:52 PM CST

for all of those who are curious (of which i’m sure there are very, very few) when i was getting ink work done by harold last night we nicked what i believe was a chigger bite or something and it started bleeding…but since we kept pulling off the paper towel bit every time we took a break, it kept bleeding…for about four hours. but when i woke up this morning, it was fine. he DID call and make sure i was alive before posting today, though…

sean said @ 06/25/2003 03:06 PM CST

Asian Goats XII? I thought they ended a an even X! Hook a brotha up!

astrofishy said @ 06/25/2003 01:14 PM CST

I drew a fabulous cartoon of last night (assuming you didn’t die of blood loss in the night) you, with an unusually large full roll of paper towels precariously stuck to your shoulder but solid red. Then another with a very surprised and full mosquito.

Harold said @ 06/25/2003 12:50 PM CST

Sorry to disappoint, not into anything illegal, unless I move to Tennessee I suppose. For some reason I pretty sure it was Asian GOATS pt.XII, what having occured in Tennebelivin’ and all.