throwback thursday viii – let’s blow stuff up this weekend!

…that was me, on the way to JAB’s place to help him unload the grill that helped me break my low-carb streak by cooking the hot dogs i ate at the fourth of july picnic.

(six hot dogs + fried catfish + fried squirrel from the day before = 2,364 different animals i have ingested to celebrate our nation’s independence, by my estimation…but never mind that now)

it’s all in how you turn a phrase, i suppose…

(and yes, i’m still buzzed as i type, so forgive the typos)

the legal phrase is driving while intoxicated, not driving WHILE drinking. i suppose the latter refers to a level most people don’t tend to (or strive to) reach…

…but i am not most people.

so, when i spilled a quarter swig of vodka & low carb pseudo cranberry across my shirt, i thought nothing more than “party foul” – ignoring the obvious “d.w.i.” and open container violations i was jet-skiing through at the time…

(ah, the magic of doing so where you grew up and know the local law enforcement community)

hell, at least today i didn’t eat rodent.

( i swear i thought that motherfucker was kidding yesterday)

it all started with the hash browns.

see, alex, the notorious h.l.g. is allergic to shellfish. and circulating dusty air. and numerous other things. hell, she’s just this side of living in a bubble. she’s proof that modern medicine is fighting darwin tooth and nail.

but never mind that now…

so, i asked yesterday at the fish fry if the hush puppies had any fish in them.

(it seemed reasonable at the time)

i was told that the fries AND the hush puppies AND the squirrel were all fish free…

…you had to assume he was just being a dick on that last one, right? it smelled like chicken. it tasted like chicken…

…it **wasn’t** chicken.

i remember asking lance – “dude, what part of the chicken is this? the bone structure is all wrong…”

“dude, he was \not\ bullshitting…that’s SQUIRREL”, was what i got in response.

who knew?

but today? more traditional forms of barnyard line up…after i got my drink on. what other way is there to celebrate being in small town america other than non-specific pork-based product (i.e. hot dogs) booze and fireworks? and some small wagers?:

sue me…

i never would have figured that the sappy, gulf war I era lee greenwood sung, “god bless the usa” would still make it into the fireworks display.

…and now due to my misfiguring i owe JAB $2….

(it’s not the cash that matters – it’s the bragging rights)

i went $1 that they wouldn’t play it, and then double or nothing that i they wouldn’t play the whole song frome beginning to end.

(at least i stopped before i bet quadruple or nothing that they would play james brown’s, “living in america” – that would have been brutal…)

so for next time i know…

(and JAB, avoid the bragging in the comments – i already gave you your due here…)

so, where was i going with this????

um…

er…

stay out of my booze.

yeah, that ought to cover it.