begatting in a bad way

there’s a part in the world’s most successful historically based fiction tome, the holy bible, that basically just drones on about “this guy begat that guy, that guy begat what’s his name”…

…for all that don’t know, “begat” means created, in that case in the sired since. as in fucking and birthing. but i think our texas staple grocery store is trying to begat hording.

i’m still a kid in the since that i start my day, every day, with a glass of chocolate milk. now, when i was a kid mom made me drink “carnation instant breakfast”, which was basically a thicker version of the same thing and surprisingly still around…

but nowadays i get it in the form of chocolate mootopia, a mysterious milk(ish) product from texas grocery titans HEB:

but now, just like the cheese i liked to make my queso with, they seem to be taking my mornings away. i’ve literally had this 90% of the mornings for the last twenty years and now it’s suddenly gone. they used to have a vanilla one, too, and you can’t find that either. just the plain.

not cool.

the last time they had some in i noticed only four left in the case so i bought all three. for all i know those were the last three we’ll ever see. typically i only buy one, OCCASIONALLY two so i have a gallon in the fridge (it’s only packaged in half gallons, quarts, and pints) but i bought three that time because they looked low and i wanted to make sure i was covered. also, the shit has a pretty far off expiration, and i tend to go through it pretty quickly, so i knew it wouldn’t spoil.

and that, folks, is how hoarding starts.

i’m convinced HEB is trying to breed us all into hoarders by occasionally having shit just disappear off the shelves for no reason. i can’t bet the only one this is happening to, right? i try to avoid HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup) but like soda so i only drink Mexican Coke and Pepsi made with real sugar. for a while you couldn’t get the latter (four bucks for a twelve pack of twelve ounce cans) so you had to get the former (five bucks for a four pack of twelve ounce bottles) but you better believe that when i finally saw that shit in the stores i bought a case or two.

why? because they finally fucking had it!

it’s like grocery shopping these days is living through some post-apocalyptic movie scene. “oh, today they had some of the good meat and even cheese” kinda shit. what the fuck happened? is this where society begins to unravel and collapse? the shop supply most in demand and hardest to find for all our tattoo shops is fucking distilled water. water. lest we forget, kids, we’ve seen how that limiting the water thing ends…