what does your rear end say about you?

ya know, it’s kinda sad…

…it truly is.

i commute so much, and do so little outside of work (due to the who financial situation i’m in lately and all) that i barely even get time to read these days. i blame kramer and ME for getting me started on the whole reading thing again when i was unemployed a couple of years ago, and i’ve been trying to hit it again ever since. i even re-read a seven novel series (the first pass through there were only four, and it took less than a month – this time there are seven and it took almost a year).

but thanks to that commute, you know what i do read a lot of?

bumper stickers.

i’ve been meaning to re-do mine lately.

for the longest i just had the cut and pasted waterloo records sticker i re-did to say “white trash” (which some of you may remember from the masthead of this site – and others may remember being embarrassed to ride in my car because of it). but now i just have an astrowhore.org sticker (one of two, which are actually designed to look like waterloo stickers), a “what would ozzy do?” sticker (which was cooler when i bought it, since that was before him becoming the lovable dad on mtv), two mudflap girls, and an oakley “o”.

i’m thinking of going all the way down to just the “o”. or perhaps less than that.

i think i need all new stuff.

the main reason i have it all, truth be told, is not pimping this site, ozzy love, oakley love, or mudflap love (i don’t know what that last one meant, but it fit the theme). no, the reason is pretty simple – green malibus are common, and it helps me find it in parking lots.

seriously.

but some bumper stickers say a lot about their drivers, i believe – although perhaps the people are just like me, trying to find their car amongst the mall driven masses. i originally started this bit to slam some of the more ridiculous ones –

“buzzed driving **is** drunk driving”

not to brag, but i’ve done both, and no, it’s not. the two are pretty far from similar, actually. but it does bespeak of a car owner you probably don’t want to party with, huh?

“my child is an honor student at…”

who the fuck cares. and the comeback?

“my kid beat up your honor student”

great. now they know who to press charges against. so, your kid’s a bully, and his is a geek. maybe one day his kid can hire your kid as security, or an enforcer if he goes the organized crime route. i want mine to be the entrepreneurial one –

“my kid sold the test answers to your honor student”

where’s that one? and why do we only have to be proud of the smarter kids? why can’t parents of special kids have some bragging rights?

“my kids more retarded than your kid”

2021 note – back in 2007 this word was still allowed in public and shit…

or does that go to far? how’s about…

“my kid can’t even spell ‘honor roll’…but he can play football. see your kid at ut, loser…”

much more realistic.

but enough about the children. i believe the children are the future – and that scares the shit out of me. let’s move on.

i suppose anybody’s bumper stickers COULD be there the same reason as mine – parking lot identification. but the one i saw the other day?

“got bagpipes?”

this was paired with a sticker indicating that he likes to ride a unicycle. wow – you ride a one wheeled bike AND play bagpipes? you must be beating off the pussy with a stick. let’s face it – this is just like anybody with stickers referring to star wars, star trek, or any other sci-fi reference…you basically are admitting that at some point, you jerked off to a woman in a comic book.

possibly more than once.

and for the sadder of you, that’s as far as the sex life has progressed.

i wonder how many readers i offended with that one…

…just claim it’s to find your car at the mall. i’ll stop. for now…

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