All posts by sean M

the unwanted combo platter

okay, so tonight i went and grabbed drinks with my “sister” kathi and a few of her friends, paying way more than ANY of us wanted to for the booze, and inhaling a bit more second hand than i wanted (all four of the women smoked, and at some points did so simultaneously). all good fun, all good company, and off they went for their ladies night out and i headed to the car. but got stopped on the way.
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“get you some, boy

so, after several long days in a row at the salt mines, i figured a friday night at home was in order, especially since i DO have to work saturday and all. hit heb on the way, and noticed a lot of single guys there; guys that don’t HAVE to be single. i have some advice, boys. stick with me and you can upgrade from that lowly bus station skank you’re used to getting. you can get better. like a stripper from that place over near the airport where the cops are always having to go. or that woman that’s in her mid to late thirties but still dresses kinda like kelly bundy from married with children..the one that’s ALWAYS alone and on the prowl at the bar in a pool hall. oh yes, your lonely nights can be over with a six pack of advice (plus four…you know i always make it an even ten here). ladies, don’t bother reading on…the dating and mating secrets are not meant for your eyes…
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i gotta start selling cars…

i guess it’s all in my delivery, but for some reason those who don’t know me (and quite a few of those who do) will take just about anything i say seriously if i do it in the right tone of voice. i think i honed this skill after high school when i asked a girl to my senior prom, she said, “sure”, and two days later was all in la-la land ’cause this guy chuck asked her to the prom. when i said, “hey; i thought you were going with me”, she replied, “oh, sean…you were serious?” guess sometimes i joke around too much for my own good (and ended up skipping my own prom as a result of it), so i learned how to sound serious when i have to; or when it will make those i deal with more entertaining to me…
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astrowhore day

if you like to snack on spinach squares and lemon cactus soda, you should have been with me sunday afternoon. of course, if you prefer to snack on an oreo that had just been used to scrape chocolate sauce and whipped cream off a set of 38DDs that have appeared in hustler magazine on more than one occasion, you should have been with me sunday night. what can i say? i DID remember the sabbath, but i turned it into an astrowhore day instead of keeping it holy. i am SO going to hell for that one, huh? (like that’s new news) and only one week before easter!!!
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half a car in wheels, but twice the points!!!

okay, so before you skip ahead on this one (like each and every one of you doesn’t hang on my EVERY word, right? stroke the ego…stoke the ego…hey wait…that’s not my ego…damn cinemax…but i digress) know that i own a mountain bike, and am currently piecing together the 20″ bike of my teenage dreams with modern components slowly but surely (i’m immature like that sometimes); the bottom line is, i’m a bike (as in bicycles…but motorcycles, too…the latter of which has nothing to do with this piece, however) kinda guy. but you know what the difference between me and a lot of the morons out there is? when i’m on my bike, i’m on a BIKE.
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