my history

so, today i go to grab lunch and get pounced. not in that happy, fun way. not in that, “give me your wallet” way. almost as bad, though. “dude, where ya goin’? lemme toss in..” so all of a sudden, i’m walking out of the office with a fist full of cash, and coming back carrying one SERIOUSLY heavy bag. for three blocks. kinda reminded me of those sacks of tobacco from my childhood…
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top 10 rejected valentines

a brief note – at first i wrote comedic bits for kramer’s site,, but he bought the url on some fire sale in the uk and then gave it to me. i THINK he tried to kick start me doing the site by re-publishing this bit i did for his site, or maybe there were too many ass and hooker references for his taste so he never ran it on his site? the reason i think i wrote this instead of him is it’s more my style, and i can’t picture him being so tasteless as to write number nine, and i actually knew a girl who fits number seven (i never had to pay, i’ll quickly add), and number one just wreaks of me since i was all about the small town redneck stereotypes back then, so i’m 99.9% sure this is technically the first astrowhore bit, although it wasn’t actually written to be on here…
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wtf, sean