“ya’ see,…” i begin my rant, fueled by one too many of the neon blue concoctions known as saba island teas, post no doubt set-up, and post all-day SA excursion (more on that in a bit), “some white boys, no matter HOW old (he looked to be in his 50’s), just need a beer bottle to the back of their skulls after beer number three; THAT must be what the sign was about at the door…”
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so, i watched the piece on exercise addiction, and couldn’t believe what i saw….there was a “doctor” who said there were three signs of exercise addiction. three MAIN ones. are you ready for this?
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okay, so for all who emailed, and voice mailed, and called (’bout damn time you called!!! sorry…that just slipped out…did i mention i’ll be in SA most of thursday?), YES the ‘whore was “on it’s back” for most of the day wednesday, ocho de mayo. the comments were a mix of, “this sucks…i have nothing new to read at work” to, “honey..are you okay?”
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so, on my way to work today, i heard a spot for a piece that’s gonna be on FOX 7 tonight, that i just couldn’t believe….
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so, the other night after hitting a bar with josh in order to “cushion” out our week’s events properly, and a brief radio show stint (sneeze and you would have missed most of my air time, but hey – it wasn’t even my show), james, josh, and myself found ourselves at sugar’s for the big plate o’ nachos and other tasty temptations that’s don’t come on a plate covered in cheese no matter HOW much you tip.

one of the, “yes, these ARE real” lovelies that joined us during our evening was a mutual friend of both james and i who’s real name DOESN’T escape me but who’s stage name does so we won’t mention either here. she was going off on some of the arrogant pricks (at a strip club? NO!!!) that she’d had to deal with throughout the night and how one had tried to convince her to go home with him by telling her that he drove a ferrari. to which she replied, “so you must be gay”.

NOT what he was expecting. he repeated, “NO, i drive a FERRARI”.

so SHE repeated, “THEREFORE, you must be GAY. most women will see a ferrari and think, ‘wow..pretty car’. but they don’t know it’s a ferrari. hell, they may have heard of a ferrari, but they’ve probably never seen one. most guys who drive a ferrari do so to impress other guys; and if you’re trying to impress other guys, you must be gay.” interesting logic. makes me wonder about a lot of the guys in the gym who show off for each other; until i remembered what gym i normally hit and KNEW the truth on that one.

but it got me to thinking. what does what we drive say about us?

i drive a malibu, which could mean a couple of things….”the impala was too big”….or, “the taurus was too geeky”. but in my case, it just means, “i couldn’t afford the maxima at that point and time”.

but i know a couple others who’s cars fit them to a “t”, but mainly because they’re women. i think it varies per gender.

one woman who’s very close to me (though not as close as i’d like) has one that is basically her on wheels…small, sporty, cute; and enticing, sexy curves no matter what angle your viewpoint is. plus, when the top goes away, the REAL fun can kick in.

like latina, like miata.

another one drives a mustang convertible. classic, yet rebellious, and kinda all-american at the same time. plus, when the top goes away? well, she’s like family to me so don’t NONE of y’all need to be thinking about that.

but would the same apply if you’re a guy? i mean a GUY in a miata says one of three things to me…

1. out of college, so i ditched the mg; but i still can’t swing the z3, boxter, or s2000.

2. mid-life crisis kicked in after the divorce, wife has all the money, so i can’t get the mercedes kompressor.

or…

3. all the jocks in high school were right and i like the cock after all.

and what about a camaro convertible? if you’re a guy, it lets people know that you’re probably the type to start a bar fight over who was the better singer for van halen, dave or sammy (did you hear they’re supposed to tour together this summer? i think all proceeds should go to their own charity: eddie’s kids. but i digress) if you’re a girl, it says, “hey…i grind my ass on your boyfriend’s crotch for money”.

or one of those new volkswagen beetles? if you’re a woman, it says, “i’m hip and fun, but still girly and can appreciate the classic things in life”. and if you’re a guy? most likely you fit numero tres on the miata list.

so, what do YOU drive? what do you think it says? i saw a geo metro this weekend done all in camo, with 85% of the top sawed off and both doors missing while on small tractor tires so it looked like a ghettoish, trailer parked, jeep-inspired hunting vehicle.

what does THAT say?

my family tree didn’t fork where it shoulda.

and if you don’t even OWN a car? well then, you’re either needing to work your budget a little better, or maybe you’re just a walking mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a hawaiian shirt and tevas.

Replies: 2 Comments

and you never said anything about people that ride bikes.

. said @ 05/09/2002 05:40 PM GMT

i don’t drive a car. i have a canoe.

natasha said @ 05/09/2002 02:41 AM GMT

okay, so here was the plan…next week is mother’s day; i had a nice fun, happy post for today, and then tomorrow (the official “one week” mark) i was gonna do a somewhat light-hearted bit about how that (as in mother’s day, NOT tomorrow) was the one day of the year i felt it was TOTALLY justified for me to get blind-ass drunk at home alone since mom passed away six years ago and the day basically sucks for me and will until i have kids and therefore a woman and can kinda make the day HERS.
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okay, so the last couple of lists i’ve done have been quite well received; those being gym attire tips, and the hippy thangs my life could do without. but a few people were upset the gym thang was ONLY about clothing, and not about working out; and josh pointed out that i WAY limited myself on the hippy thing (he swung up and hung out for both nights at la zona with me), so here’s a friday morning bonus for y’all…another five of each.
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“hippies….hippies….everywhere…..they say they wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad…” – eric cartman, south park
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missing: one curvy, luscious, hottie porn star in training
name: answers to “kimberly”, “THE astrowhore”, or “bubba sean’s bitch” when enough tequila has been ingested…
last seen: san antonio texas, and probably not wearing very much; or at least in a top that shows “them” off rather nicely
distinguishing marks and/or scars: none to my knowledge, except for the aforementioned “them” (38Ds, all natural), quite an impressive ghetto butt, and a legendary mouth (and i don’t just mean because of her electric smile, although that’s all that i would PERSONALLY know about), plus a flexibility, libido, and endurance level that reduces both men and women to tears

(again, i wouldn’t know…remember, i’m “special” in that regard…hey, why the hell AM i trying to find this girl again???)

reward: well, if you treat her right, she’ll reward you in LOTS of ways…of course, if you DO find her, try to get her to reward me just a lil’ bit…i’m so tired of being so special to so many.
info: send all info to the mail link at the top of the page. thank you.

so, monday decided to be a monday and SUCK royally. they do that sometimes. and what combats a good, sucky, monday vibe?

(i begin to make horn noises with my mouth here)

nu-nah-nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-nuh TEQUILA!!!

yes, or as i like to call it, mexican tylenol. it doesn’t really KILL the pain, just makes it to where you aren’t really concerned with it as much anymore. so that was me & josh at dinner last night. tequila. and plenty of it. not so much to where i couldn’t drive safely (as verified via phone to kathi…although initially she was concerned), and there was some food thrown in (essentially for absorption purposes) but leave me alone here….it was a suck-ass day (even though i didn’t go to work till the ass-crack of NOON), and i have to work shows after work both today (it’s tuesday morning as i’m writing this) and tomorrow, so if i was gonna alcoholically cushion the monday pains, it was gonna have to take place ON monday…

there was some coolness to monday, though. money. i got to count up the cash from me & shane’s fiesta excursion. half way through, steve (one of the bosses) walks in and starts going over everything i have. for my own personal safety at future shows, i won’t reveal exact numbers, but he sat and watched me methodically count the tail end of the small bills and quarters and had a calculator in his hand at the time. as i plinked down the last set of four quarters, he looked at me and said, “amazing…all those tickets, all that cash, and you’re only $1.00 off. i don’t know how you did that..” (keep in mind we don’t use cash registers, and it’s not uncommon for drawers to come up off balance…of course, the more you pull in, the more margin of error they allow you…shane and i were allowed a fairly sizable margin of error)

“what’s more amazing,” i added, “was the fact that tickets were $14.50, and we kept running out of quarters. we burned through the $200 we got sent down with, then i bought a total of another $100 off the vendors in the place, then another $50 from the bar down the street (thanks to bombay bicycle club for REALLY coming through in a pinch for me), and the another $70 of the $100 i made the promoter’s runner get for us. when we ran out, and people bought single tickets, i’d ask them if they had the fifty cents, and if NOT, if they’d ‘donate’ it. if they agreed (they usually did…people don’t typically say ‘no’ to me) we’d only give them $5 in change then wait till they were out of ear shot, and turn around and give someone else (typically cute and female) six bucks in change to balance, but you had to mentally remember where you were on that sort of thing”

“damn,” said steve, “that makes it down-right impressive you were only $1 off”

“nope,” i replied, “what’s impressive is…(i reach into the bottom of my backpack and he sees a flash of gold in my hand) people ACTUALLY though these damn sacagawea dollar coins would be popular”, and i slammed a single coin to the table. “me and shane are DEAD FUCKING ON!!!”, i half shouted. damn, we’re smooth.

speaking of smooth, a lot of SA concert goers AREN’T. at every sunken garden’s show i go to, i see this.

it should first be noted that sunken gardens amphitheater IS truly sunken…i.e. it is surrounded by cliffs. and due to the fact that it’s city land those cliffs are patrolled by san antonio park rangers. anyway, so at every show, i see some fool drop down the shorter area into some trees at the back of the venue and then sprint his ass off into the crowd, which means clearing a rather sizeable, grassy area where all the food and booze vendors are. as he does this, park rangers from all around try to pounce him. the goal is to make it across the flatlands, up the hill, and into the crowd right in front of the stage…

the problem with trying this on sunday was that during the day the food was as big an attraction as the bands, so the poor slob who tried it crested the hill to see NO crowd he could blend into, and when he stopped to figure out what to do, the long arm of the law LITERALLY grabbed him.

whenever i see one mid-sprint, it always reminds me of the scene in “born in east la” where cheech marin and sever other mexican nationals are sprinting into the us. this illusion is helped along by the fact that sa park rangers wear the same shades of green and gold as the border patrol….except i’ve NEVER seen an sa park ranger who is either caucasian OR over 5’5″. don’t let the size fool you, though…these motherfuckers can SPRINT. and reach. and most importantly, cuff.

damn, now i can’t WAIT to work the next sunken gardens show…