the name a few of you should be cursing in your sleep is “geniva”. i THINK i spelled that right, which means i probably didn’t. she’s the girl who went to see p!nk and lenny kravitz with me and my sister…which can be fun seeing the two of us interact, ’cause in a lot of ways we’re very similar, and in a lot of ways we’re very different. we never really hang out (much to my dismay) but still have a enough inherent mannerism and speaking similarities to occasionally kinda surprise her friends. very cool way to spend a sunday, and here are six people that made it that way:

1. p!nk: as in the singer. awesome bod, awesome voice that can REALLY wail, particularly when the songs aren’t her’s. case in point, 4 non-blondes “what’s up” (the lead 4nb chick produced p!nk’s album and i SWEAR was the bass player on stage tonight). also, a medley of summer time and me & bobby mcgee. i surprised myself by knowing more than two of her original numbers…and by using the jumbo projections to critique her ink..the shoulder pieces could stand to go…but there’s something about a girl with a cute lil’ bit of ink on the back of her neck that turns me on (i guess because it’s SO public, yet so concealable all at the same time) and she was no exception…

2. lenny: as in kravitz. NEVER fails to disappoint, and tonight was no exception. all the better was the fact that i think he played more stuff off his first two cds than his latest one (which sadly, i don’t own yet even though it has been out a while). always rocking, always captivating. returns good ol’ rawk n’ roll back to it’s black roots before your very eyes, with plenty of rockin’ soul thrown in. and my sister wants him, but never mind that now.

3. craig: as in ross. lenny’s guitar player. great seventies guitar god poses, vintage axes, and a ‘fro bigger than lenny’s, which ain’t bad for a white boy. great solos, great to watch, and if you bother to pick up his solo cd and reference someting off it to an indy record store employee (think of those cusack or black’s characters in high fidelity) it gives you INSTANT hipness cred.

4. nate: as in a guy i work with at star. he wasn’t actually AT the show, nor have i ever spoke to him about lenny kravitz. but he DID bitch that he had never been mentioned here on the ‘whore, so i told him i’d work him into the next three entries for no reason. this would be two for three. the one star employee i DID see isn’t really an employee, he’s the guy who signs me and nate’s checks: the owner. he was at the show with his wife and several of her friends, who are all twenty-something, blonde, and hot…and most of them remembered me by NAME. sadly, i went one for three on remembering them (two for four if you count my bosses wife)

5. cindy: as in blackman. lenny’s drummer. EASILY my favorite drummer to watch play, even if the ‘fro does shrink up quite a bit as the night progresses. still good to watch. plus, her solos are always incredible due to the battling factors of how rocking they are versus how small her kit is. in the terms of mike t, star phone room manager, that’s one bad bitch. of course, he’s never used that to describe cindy; he probably doesn’t even know who she is. but it fits none the less.

6. teri: as in my sister. mentioning her last shows this list TRULY was not in order, ’cause hanging out with her was one of the coolest points of the evening. with family you can hang, sing out loud together with the songs (yes, she had to endure me singing…but i had to put up with her, too….now that REALLY sounds like family bickering, don’t it?) but over all, we had a blast and decided we HAVE to do it again. we were handed a flier for the vwa and looked at the list. i wanna go to ozzfest, she’s rather not. she wants to go to creed, i’d rather not (or more accurately, i’d rather slam my manhood in a car door). so it looks like aerosmith gets the nod for the next show teri and i hit together to sing, dance, and act the family fools at. who wants to be third at that one?

Replies: 1 Comment

Pick me Pick me

JAB said @ 08/22/2002 06:26 PM GMT

so, first off, thanks to you for all reading after a twenty-four hour mom memorial silence that was part memorial, part writer’s block. but after ribs and booze with josh, preceded by driving all the way into austin JUST to set up a computer for late nate, who claims he’ll never be late again, but i think we ALL know where our money will go on THAT one (plus, he claims i’ve never, EVER mentioned him on here, which is a damn shame, ’cause he’s one hell of a nice guy, and a blast to hang out with, and work with, even if he IS allergic to punctuality), which was preceded by chinese food and target with kathi…but we’ll talk a bit about that later…

i just got done watching a re-run of the vh1 one hit wonders special, which this time was on 80’s metal, and i decided to do a re-run of my own. see, before i had astrowhore, i used to occasionally write “top ten lists” for kramer’s joke subscribers…and one i did was “top ten signs you’ve never outgrown your metal phase”. well, i’ve decided to re-do, with some additions and subtractions, and make it a list, in no particular order, of EIGHTEEN things. why eighteen? because 6+6+6 is eighteen…and 666 has to be in there somewhere, might as well be the theme…plus, after a day off, i owe y’all some reading material, right?

1. you learned html JUST so you could start your own poison fan club website.

2. you not only got “o-z-z-y” tattooed on your knuckles by your buddy when you were fifteen, but turned around and paid $125 on your 30th birthday to have a professional tattoo artist “clean it up and make it look ‘bad-ass’ for you”.

3. you paid triple digits for your def leppard tickets from a scalper. for LAST YEAR’S tour.

4. when someone mentions watching “cinderella”, you think of a band and not a disney cartoon.

5. more than half your jewelry has skulls on it.

6. you’re over thirty, and you “get” marilyn manson.

7. you still own and wear a pair of those cowboy boots with the scrunchy, slouchy tops. with your jeans tucked in them, of course.

8. when you see a pentacle, you think of mötley crüe rather than wiccan or paganism.

9. you paid to have an iron maiden poster custom framed for your office at work.

10. you’ve dated someone who’s actually spent the night on ratt’s tour bus.

11. you’ve started bar fights over whether or not that guy from judas priest is REALLY gay.

12. you’re excited that you can soon order rob zombie checks.

13. you still regularly wear bandanas…but not on your head.

14. you still resent the brothers van halen for firing david lee roth, even though girls that were born the day it happened are now LEGAL AGE.

15. your wearing a slaughter “slave to the grind” tour shirt in your CURRENT drivers license photo.

16. you don’t know what a “mullet” is, even though you have one.

17. you own more than a half dozen leather undergarments that you have worn in public places.

18. you can remember enough about metal to write a list of eighteen things in under half an hour.

oops…busted myself on that last one, huh? that’s okay…three other ones fit me, too. but i’ll never tell which ones….

2023 NOTE – since it’s been twenty-one years, i’ll reveal the ones that fit me all the way – five, six, twelve, and of course, eighteen. of course, now, MOST of the people that “get” marilyn manson are over thirty. also, i kinda foul tipped on nine (it was an ozzy poster, not maiden, and it was in a shadow box with a signed microphone. it now hangs in my gallery hall at the house), and, sadly, ten – although we never “dated”, just kinda played around. i’m pretty sure i still have one book of unused rob zombie checks laying around here somewhere…

Replies: 1 Comment

Poison? Or Scorpions?

astrofishy said @ 08/19/2002 02:56 AM GMT

i couldn’t figure out what my problem was (don’t feel you have t write a list in the comments section just yet, okay? i’m going somewhere with this…) all week, with like, monday night as the exception, i’ve felt just kinda blah…i’ve had next to NO creative inspiration, no motivation, no inclination to do jack frickin’ squat. i figure part of it has to do with lack of sleep, because for various reasons i haven’t been getting a lot lately (sleep, that is…as far as that other “getting a lot” number, it’s much, much, MUCH lower than my sleep number, unfortunately). the other part is a calendar thing…
[continue reading…]

so, in the great saga of copper, the red-headed pitbull in training, she continues to “get used” to living here, marking her territory in various ways…
[continue reading…]

okay, quick reader’s poll: which of these facts do you find more disturbing?
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ah, sunday…the day when at least one religion seeks to get all it’s little questions in life answered…but the question on MY mind that day was, “what the FUCK is that noise coming from under my hood and why is it getting worse?” yes, it seems that the ‘bu crossing into the six digits last week made it decide that me living la vida maintenance-free needed to stop…

i HAVE been pretty lucky. since acquiring my ’98 malibu in june of 2001 (when it had 69k miles on it) i have only had to do oil changes, have two flats repaired, and change the battery. that’s it. in fourteen months. not too shabby. then, like i’d previously mentioned, i started reading up and found that all the bragging about my car when it came out was that virtually everything was guaranteed to 100k miles, which i had now hit. so, what WAS that noise i had been hearing lately? why did the trip to a wedding with “the redhead” (aka sin D) “just outside of san antonio” (300 miles round trip) make the noise THAT much worse? and what was up with that battery light that came on and went off and came on and went off the day the six-digit line was crossed?

well, all would be answered on that balmy sunday morning at the church of the beloved v6 that is autozone. interesting thing about lockhart – a town who’s population only RECENTLY crossed over 10,000…but we have car quest, o’ riley’s, napa, AND autozone if we need auto parts. the first on the list is my personal favorite, but they’re not open on sundays, so it was off to autozone i went.

this brought back a sickly feeling in my stomach. see, shortly after my 21st birthday, my family got a new car, ’cause some idiot (me) had totaled our last one ON his 21st birthday (sober, no less). okay, so it wasn’t NEW…it was a program car. a 1991 chevy cavalier bought in the summer of ’92 with only 15,000 miles on it. flash forward nine years to memorial day on 2k1, when i pushed it into the garage THINKING i could fix it one last time, and it had 278,000 miles on the odometer. and i NURSED it to that…so a sunday morning at the autozone was no strange thing to me…but it did bring back some unpleasant memories.

fortunately, a guy i had had work on the cav back in the day was in autozone and ended up needing some pre-work work (he had to be there to WORK at 1:00). the first guy who came out and looked at my car said i needed to replace my belt (although it looked perfectly fine to me), plus my alternator (remember the battery light incident the day the car rolled over 100k?), my water pump (the noise i was hearing was shot bearings in that bad boy) and my power steering pump (i guess he had some quota to hit). well, richard (the guy who did the work on the car when it was all said and done) agreed half-way…he agreed with me that the belt was fine, and also that the “strange vibration” the guy was picking up on the power steering pump was due to the fact the son of a bitch is mounted on the same metal structure as the shot water pump. i grabbed all the parts we needed ($244), and me, richard, and “a soon to leave for florida if i could get this fixed and get her to the airport” sin D all hopped in the ‘bu of BAD vibrations (from the quickly dying water pump) and headed off to where richard was supposed to be fixing another car, but the part could not be had on short notice.

this place was STRAIGHT out of deliverance. scary, scary stuff. single wide trailers, in a cluster, connected by plywood sidewalks. the ‘fridge for the “main” one was outside on the front “porch”. boots were nailed to all the trees for decoration, and strange metal “sculptures” hung from the branches, as a santa, an easter bunny, and a witch ALL greeted you as you pulled up as yard art to cover all the major yard art holidays. it was the kind of place that if sin D WASN’T such a good friend, i probably could have traded her for one of the trailers.

but friends don’t sell friends into bondage like that. SPECIAL friends can tie each up in bondage situations to create some VERY fun weekends, but never mind that now. these folks need not NEVER be special friends to me…

about forty-five minutes later i was pouring fresh orange anti-freeze into the ride and we were good to go. purrs like a dang ol’ kitten. now we just need to see if we make it another 50k at least without problems. what do you think my chances are?

Replies: 6 Comments

FUCK! He pays people to haul my ass away.

“Here’s a $20, now get that old fart out of my sight.”

Straight up.

astrofishy said @ 08/14/2002 05:22 AM GMT

now, now, angelic one…i wouldn’t have gotten anything less than a single wide…or that ’76 el camino i saw out on the back part of the property.

sean, the friend trader said @ 08/13/2002 02:50 AM GMT

Feel really special redhead. He would have traded me in for less than a single wide 🙁

Angel said @ 08/12/2002 11:30 PM GMT

Well hun, since I will be living in Austin again, I will fix your car for you 🙂 And it won’t be costing you all that labor and everything else. Parts and dinner at OG. Oh and if you are there when I fix it you have to stand and hand me tools.

And yes Josh they make orange anti-freeze. Depends on the car which one you use 🙂

Angel said @ 08/12/2002 11:30 PM GMT

ACK!!!!! You actually THOUGHT of trading me? It actually crossed your mind, you weighed it all out, and decided I was TOO GOOD OF A FRIEND????? Gee thanks….. I feel REALLY special right now. I wonder how you would have felt if it had been a double-wide!!!???

the redhead said @ 08/12/2002 09:06 PM GMT

they make orange anti-freeze? i thought it was all green.

josh said @ 08/12/2002 08:29 PM GMT

so, last night, i got a bit of a surprise…my floridian friend sin D (known by most of you as “the redhead” if you read the comment pages) was in tejas for a wedding in sa, and had flown into austin ’cause it was cheaper. she called, we met, and cruised out to dinner last night. since i had today off, and famously make plans to do domestic stuff, but usually find something else to do, when she called today and suggested lunch in san marcos, i was all for it…
[continue reading…]

okay, i think i may have ranted about this before, but if i have, let me know, because i HATE to repeat myself…when i was leaving the gym today i saw something that REALLY bugs me…not as much as it bugged me to have the battery light come on as i pulled out of the parking lot. see, when i bought my ’98 malibu in mid-2001, i read up on it, and read it was one solidly built car. truth be known, in the year and some change i’ve had it i’ve had three flat tires fixed and had the oil changed a dozen or so times. that’s it. nothing major, knock on wood…and all the stuff i read about it said that it was all good on it’s own to 100,000 miles…the transmission, coolant system, spark plugs, everything.

well, today, shortly AFTER the battery light came on and scared the shit out of me for the two minutes it stayed on before disappearing (only to reappear even briefer a little later in the evening), my car crossed slaughter lane and i35…and as it did so, rolled over to 100,000 miles on the odometer. so my fear is that this is the start of things to come…but much as the calendar rolling over to 2k didn’t do shit, i figure 100k on the ‘bu won’t, either.

so, i think i may have ranted about this before, but if i have, let me know, because i HATE to repeat myself…when i was leaving the gym today i saw something that REALLY bugs me (don’t worry…i TOTALLY did that on purpose just to remind you where we were…).

i counted not one, not two, but FOURTEEN cars parked in the fire lane…the first one being a brand new range rover discovery that i almost t-boned because he parked his limey u.v. on the red curb behind my car. now, there’s quite a few spaces in the back lot, and i know some of them stayed open because you can see that lot from the elliptical machine i was working out on for most of my time there…after a half hour arm work out. but they were FAR away. and why park FAR away when you can illegally park closer. closer means less of a walk across the hot parking lot…and less of a walk when you get back from, oh yeah, WHAT was it you came here to do?

that’s right…WORK OUT!!! and SWEAT!!! and EXERCISE!!!

kinda like you do walking across a hot parking lot in texas in august…and the parking lot has no membership fees, no initiation, and no contracts to sign. i guess that’s why no one wants to sweat there…they aren’t debited $30 a month for a parking lot…they pay good money to sweat in an air conditioned room.

what the FUCK?

i used to see this back in the day when all the gold’s gyms in austin were world’s gyms, and there was one on stassney in what appeared to be an old grocery store building. people would park along the fire lane curbs in front of the lot to be as close to the door as possible instead of parking in the almost empty back part of the lot to come get their work out on. i once noticed one person do this, walk in, and get on the treadmill for about twenty or thirty minutes, and then go to leave. i ran into them as we both hit the door…

i said, “kinda played ‘create-a-space’ here, didn’t ya?”
she replied, “yeah, but it’s SO damn hot, ya know…i didn’t wanna walk all that way…”
“but,” i replied, “all you DID was walk…you drove up here, and parked illegally, so that you could go inside and WALK…just WALK. that makes NO sense if you park closer so you don’t have to walk as far to WALK…”

i got a blank stare in return…

i saw this at the gym in lockhart where i started working out about ten years ago…there was this group of four women that would come up to the two treadmills…two would get on, the other two would sit near by and talk to them..after about fifteen minutes, they’d switch. then they’d leave. what made this more puzzling was this was a community gym with NO air conditioning…on some nights, it was almost more pleasant OUTSIDE than inside. so why drive up to just walk on a treadmill? why not just walk up to the building, smack the wall, and walk home. NO money spent there, ya know? kinda like the people who drive up to the high school track and park illegally there to walk the track…why not just walk your block? or walk to the track?

i guess it’s because with a gym membership we FEEL like we’re doing more for ourselves, even if we just do stuff we do at home. just go and do the stair master? you live on a third floor apartment, and have for three years. you ARE the stair master. i do mostly weights, which i CAN’T do at home, and do the elliptical since i can walk or run at home, do bleachers for the stair-master, and own a mountain bike, so the exercycle is kinda pointless…

i now realize my problem is really with WALKERS. if you do a trail, cool. kramer does it right…he WALKS to the hike and bike trail, does the loop, and WALKS home. now THAT makes sense. there may not be much about that boy that makes sense, but damn it, THAT does…

Replies: 1 Comment

I do transportation for a major urban school district (75,000 transported daily). One constant complaint I get is how far the kids have to walk to the stop. Gosh, 5 blocks! A mile!! and…wheeze…a mile and a half!!! These are the same kids who have personal trainers and a maid to pack the lunch and who are 50 pounds overweight (in the ego as well as the paunch). They want a stop in front of their house (read: mansion) so they don’t have to walk so far and can save their energy to make their teachers’ lives miserable. I’m so sympathetic. And, no, they don’t get special stops unless their parents have “connections”….

s said @ 08/07/2002 03:56 PM GMT

okay, first off, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY to jim and his no longer twenty something year-old ass. second, hit the link of this bitch…TOO funny. my buddy john-mark sent this to my mobile when i was in the middle of the chaos of the judas priest box office, and it was one welcome relief…he sent me “bat man”, but the “chinese” one is pretty damn funny, too…

Replies: 1 Comment

I think I need to do this to the bitch I worked with last year… every day….. around 3am. I would be worth it to set my alarm at that time just to do it!

the redhead said @ 08/05/2002 09:29 PM GMT

2022 note: the original title of this bit contained a link which now doesn’t work to send a prank phone call to a friend’s phone. in my defense, said link is from a bit twenty years old, and so it’s not surprising it doesn’t work. plus, the only people that still use their phone AS A PHONE are also the kind of people that won’t pick up the phone if they don’t recognize the number. as caller ID wasn’t as prevalent, even on mobiles, twenty years ago, this woulda worked. now, not so much.

as an extra JAB tribute, i posted the van halen header, which it should be noted i actually made several months before eddie’s untimely passing. we spent his 21st birthday seeing van halen in dallas, so it all ties together nicely.

sundays always get kinda jacked up in my world. i don’t know why, but they do. today was supposed to be all about grilling. shane and his new girl were gonna come over so he could see the newest member of the pup tribe, and throw some steaks on the grill. but such was not the case…

we HAD said about two. at one thirty, i realized it was just TOO damn hot for me to make a fire outside and stand by it, so i called him and suggested we just go eat at black’s or something. he said that sounded good, but that he was gonna be a little late. at THREE THIRTY, i called him to just call the whole thing off ’cause i was starving and was gonna eat without him. so by four, i finally got some food in me. and due to waiting a while, and the fact that all the folks at black’s like me (except, unfortunately, for the REALLY cute latina that works the soda counter…well, she MIGHT like me, just not in the way i want her to) i was DAMN stuffed off of my usual lunch. i knew i would have no interest in eating for the rest of the day, if not the week…

then the phone rang, and a dinner request was made. the cons of this situation:

a. i KNEW i would be paying for everything
b. i KNEW i would have to drive about 130 miles round trip
c. i KNEW i would not EVEN wanna eat, or possibly even drink water, because i was THAT full…

now, on to the pros:

a. she’s got great tits
b. she’s got an awesome ghetto butt
c. she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch*

*or so i’ve been told…remember, i’m “special”…

yes, it’s the girl with the awesome smile and even more awe-inspiring pierced 38Ds who has actually uttered the phrase, “all i want is for a guy to fuck me in the ass and cum on my face…is THAT too much to ask for?”

so, realizing that i would get just as much housework done if i stayed at home and watched the simpson’s or if i was sucking tequila shots out of someone’s tanned, pierced navel, i headed off to SA to pick up kimberly, the porn star in training (now of the sun-bleached blonde variety).

(so, neither of those things ACTUALLY happened on my sunday night, ’cause remember, i’m “special” (she will SO never live that down) but it made for a good line, right?)

kimberly’s a good chick to hang out with for a LOT of reasons, but the whole bisexual thing is one of the cooler ones. we’re sitting there, gabbing away like we do, and all of a sudden she’s kicking me in the shins and doing that clinched-teeth talk where you’re trying to say something without being loud of your lips moving…

“LOOK BEHIND YOU”

i look behind me, and there are the SA equivalent of christina and brittney (i.e. two HOT blondes) standing there waiting for a table. i turn back around and see that look in the kimberly’s baby blues that let me know that she was just as turned on as i was…and picturing herself doing about the same things to them that i was picturing.

i think this is what they call “bonding”.

then it was back in the ‘bu to roll around SA. pretty much ALL of it. i had the “liquid lunch” at chili’s (i.e. two presidente margaritas, and nothing more…but i DID keep the shaker), but felt NO buzz, and it WAS a nice night, so off we went….the loop……1604 to 281 to i35 to 1604 again, and off to her house in live oak, where she doesn’t even realize her happiness could be just a click away…

Replies: 1 Comment

I think I need to meet this similar chick…what do you think?

Pierced said @ 08/06/2002 01:24 AM GMT