blah

i couldn’t figure out what my problem was (don’t feel you have t write a list in the comments section just yet, okay? i’m going somewhere with this…) all week, with like, monday night as the exception, i’ve felt just kinda blah…i’ve had next to NO creative inspiration, no motivation, no inclination to do jack frickin’ squat. i figure part of it has to do with lack of sleep, because for various reasons i haven’t been getting a lot lately (sleep, that is…as far as that other “getting a lot” number, it’s much, much, MUCH lower than my sleep number, unfortunately). the other part is a calendar thing…
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red docu-shread

so, in the great saga of copper, the red-headed pitbull in training, she continues to “get used” to living here, marking her territory in various ways…
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100k blues

ah, sunday…the day when at least one religion seeks to get all it’s little questions in life answered…but the question on MY mind that day was, “what the FUCK is that noise coming from under my hood and why is it getting worse?” yes, it seems that the ‘bu crossing into the six digits last week made it decide that me living la vida maintenance-free needed to stop…

i HAVE been pretty lucky. since acquiring my ’98 malibu in june of 2001 (when it had 69k miles on it) i have only had to do oil changes, have two flats repaired, and change the battery. that’s it. in fourteen months. not too shabby. then, like i’d previously mentioned, i started reading up and found that all the bragging about my car when it came out was that virtually everything was guaranteed to 100k miles, which i had now hit. so, what WAS that noise i had been hearing lately? why did the trip to a wedding with “the redhead” (aka sin D) “just outside of san antonio” (300 miles round trip) make the noise THAT much worse? and what was up with that battery light that came on and went off and came on and went off the day the six-digit line was crossed?

well, all would be answered on that balmy sunday morning at the church of the beloved v6 that is autozone. interesting thing about lockhart – a town who’s population only RECENTLY crossed over 10,000…but we have car quest, o’ riley’s, napa, AND autozone if we need auto parts. the first on the list is my personal favorite, but they’re not open on sundays, so it was off to autozone i went.

this brought back a sickly feeling in my stomach. see, shortly after my 21st birthday, my family got a new car, ’cause some idiot (me) had totaled our last one ON his 21st birthday (sober, no less). okay, so it wasn’t NEW…it was a program car. a 1991 chevy cavalier bought in the summer of ’92 with only 15,000 miles on it. flash forward nine years to memorial day on 2k1, when i pushed it into the garage THINKING i could fix it one last time, and it had 278,000 miles on the odometer. and i NURSED it to that…so a sunday morning at the autozone was no strange thing to me…but it did bring back some unpleasant memories.

fortunately, a guy i had had work on the cav back in the day was in autozone and ended up needing some pre-work work (he had to be there to WORK at 1:00). the first guy who came out and looked at my car said i needed to replace my belt (although it looked perfectly fine to me), plus my alternator (remember the battery light incident the day the car rolled over 100k?), my water pump (the noise i was hearing was shot bearings in that bad boy) and my power steering pump (i guess he had some quota to hit). well, richard (the guy who did the work on the car when it was all said and done) agreed half-way…he agreed with me that the belt was fine, and also that the “strange vibration” the guy was picking up on the power steering pump was due to the fact the son of a bitch is mounted on the same metal structure as the shot water pump. i grabbed all the parts we needed ($244), and me, richard, and “a soon to leave for florida if i could get this fixed and get her to the airport” sin D all hopped in the ‘bu of BAD vibrations (from the quickly dying water pump) and headed off to where richard was supposed to be fixing another car, but the part could not be had on short notice.

this place was STRAIGHT out of deliverance. scary, scary stuff. single wide trailers, in a cluster, connected by plywood sidewalks. the ‘fridge for the “main” one was outside on the front “porch”. boots were nailed to all the trees for decoration, and strange metal “sculptures” hung from the branches, as a santa, an easter bunny, and a witch ALL greeted you as you pulled up as yard art to cover all the major yard art holidays. it was the kind of place that if sin D WASN’T such a good friend, i probably could have traded her for one of the trailers.

but friends don’t sell friends into bondage like that. SPECIAL friends can tie each up in bondage situations to create some VERY fun weekends, but never mind that now. these folks need not NEVER be special friends to me…

about forty-five minutes later i was pouring fresh orange anti-freeze into the ride and we were good to go. purrs like a dang ol’ kitten. now we just need to see if we make it another 50k at least without problems. what do you think my chances are?

Replies: 6 Comments

FUCK! He pays people to haul my ass away.

“Here’s a $20, now get that old fart out of my sight.”

Straight up.

astrofishy said @ 08/14/2002 05:22 AM GMT

now, now, angelic one…i wouldn’t have gotten anything less than a single wide…or that ’76 el camino i saw out on the back part of the property.

sean, the friend trader said @ 08/13/2002 02:50 AM GMT

Feel really special redhead. He would have traded me in for less than a single wide 🙁

Angel said @ 08/12/2002 11:30 PM GMT

Well hun, since I will be living in Austin again, I will fix your car for you 🙂 And it won’t be costing you all that labor and everything else. Parts and dinner at OG. Oh and if you are there when I fix it you have to stand and hand me tools.

And yes Josh they make orange anti-freeze. Depends on the car which one you use 🙂

Angel said @ 08/12/2002 11:30 PM GMT

ACK!!!!! You actually THOUGHT of trading me? It actually crossed your mind, you weighed it all out, and decided I was TOO GOOD OF A FRIEND????? Gee thanks….. I feel REALLY special right now. I wonder how you would have felt if it had been a double-wide!!!???

the redhead said @ 08/12/2002 09:06 PM GMT

they make orange anti-freeze? i thought it was all green.

josh said @ 08/12/2002 08:29 PM GMT

spy movies, putt-putt live, and a redhead

so, last night, i got a bit of a surprise…my floridian friend sin D (known by most of you as “the redhead” if you read the comment pages) was in tejas for a wedding in sa, and had flown into austin ’cause it was cheaper. she called, we met, and cruised out to dinner last night. since i had today off, and famously make plans to do domestic stuff, but usually find something else to do, when she called today and suggested lunch in san marcos, i was all for it…
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yep, it’s a monday

okay, i think i may have ranted about this before, but if i have, let me know, because i HATE to repeat myself…when i was leaving the gym today i saw something that REALLY bugs me…not as much as it bugged me to have the battery light come on as i pulled out of the parking lot. see, when i bought my ’98 malibu in mid-2001, i read up on it, and read it was one solidly built car. truth be known, in the year and some change i’ve had it i’ve had three flat tires fixed and had the oil changed a dozen or so times. that’s it. nothing major, knock on wood…and all the stuff i read about it said that it was all good on it’s own to 100,000 miles…the transmission, coolant system, spark plugs, everything.

well, today, shortly AFTER the battery light came on and scared the shit out of me for the two minutes it stayed on before disappearing (only to reappear even briefer a little later in the evening), my car crossed slaughter lane and i35…and as it did so, rolled over to 100,000 miles on the odometer. so my fear is that this is the start of things to come…but much as the calendar rolling over to 2k didn’t do shit, i figure 100k on the ‘bu won’t, either.

so, i think i may have ranted about this before, but if i have, let me know, because i HATE to repeat myself…when i was leaving the gym today i saw something that REALLY bugs me (don’t worry…i TOTALLY did that on purpose just to remind you where we were…).

i counted not one, not two, but FOURTEEN cars parked in the fire lane…the first one being a brand new range rover discovery that i almost t-boned because he parked his limey u.v. on the red curb behind my car. now, there’s quite a few spaces in the back lot, and i know some of them stayed open because you can see that lot from the elliptical machine i was working out on for most of my time there…after a half hour arm work out. but they were FAR away. and why park FAR away when you can illegally park closer. closer means less of a walk across the hot parking lot…and less of a walk when you get back from, oh yeah, WHAT was it you came here to do?

that’s right…WORK OUT!!! and SWEAT!!! and EXERCISE!!!

kinda like you do walking across a hot parking lot in texas in august…and the parking lot has no membership fees, no initiation, and no contracts to sign. i guess that’s why no one wants to sweat there…they aren’t debited $30 a month for a parking lot…they pay good money to sweat in an air conditioned room.

what the FUCK?

i used to see this back in the day when all the gold’s gyms in austin were world’s gyms, and there was one on stassney in what appeared to be an old grocery store building. people would park along the fire lane curbs in front of the lot to be as close to the door as possible instead of parking in the almost empty back part of the lot to come get their work out on. i once noticed one person do this, walk in, and get on the treadmill for about twenty or thirty minutes, and then go to leave. i ran into them as we both hit the door…

i said, “kinda played ‘create-a-space’ here, didn’t ya?”
she replied, “yeah, but it’s SO damn hot, ya know…i didn’t wanna walk all that way…”
“but,” i replied, “all you DID was walk…you drove up here, and parked illegally, so that you could go inside and WALK…just WALK. that makes NO sense if you park closer so you don’t have to walk as far to WALK…”

i got a blank stare in return…

i saw this at the gym in lockhart where i started working out about ten years ago…there was this group of four women that would come up to the two treadmills…two would get on, the other two would sit near by and talk to them..after about fifteen minutes, they’d switch. then they’d leave. what made this more puzzling was this was a community gym with NO air conditioning…on some nights, it was almost more pleasant OUTSIDE than inside. so why drive up to just walk on a treadmill? why not just walk up to the building, smack the wall, and walk home. NO money spent there, ya know? kinda like the people who drive up to the high school track and park illegally there to walk the track…why not just walk your block? or walk to the track?

i guess it’s because with a gym membership we FEEL like we’re doing more for ourselves, even if we just do stuff we do at home. just go and do the stair master? you live on a third floor apartment, and have for three years. you ARE the stair master. i do mostly weights, which i CAN’T do at home, and do the elliptical since i can walk or run at home, do bleachers for the stair-master, and own a mountain bike, so the exercycle is kinda pointless…

i now realize my problem is really with WALKERS. if you do a trail, cool. kramer does it right…he WALKS to the hike and bike trail, does the loop, and WALKS home. now THAT makes sense. there may not be much about that boy that makes sense, but damn it, THAT does…

Replies: 1 Comment

I do transportation for a major urban school district (75,000 transported daily). One constant complaint I get is how far the kids have to walk to the stop. Gosh, 5 blocks! A mile!! and…wheeze…a mile and a half!!! These are the same kids who have personal trainers and a maid to pack the lunch and who are 50 pounds overweight (in the ego as well as the paunch). They want a stop in front of their house (read: mansion) so they don’t have to walk so far and can save their energy to make their teachers’ lives miserable. I’m so sympathetic. And, no, they don’t get special stops unless their parents have “connections”….

s said @ 08/07/2002 03:56 PM GMT

YANK your friends

okay, first off, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY to jim and his no longer twenty something year-old ass. second, hit the link of this bitch…TOO funny. my buddy john-mark sent this to my mobile when i was in the middle of the chaos of the judas priest box office, and it was one welcome relief…he sent me “bat man”, but the “chinese” one is pretty damn funny, too…

Replies: 1 Comment

I think I need to do this to the bitch I worked with last year… every day….. around 3am. I would be worth it to set my alarm at that time just to do it!

the redhead said @ 08/05/2002 09:29 PM GMT

2022 note: the original title of this bit contained a link which now doesn’t work to send a prank phone call to a friend’s phone. in my defense, said link is from a bit twenty years old, and so it’s not surprising it doesn’t work. plus, the only people that still use their phone AS A PHONE are also the kind of people that won’t pick up the phone if they don’t recognize the number. as caller ID wasn’t as prevalent, even on mobiles, twenty years ago, this woulda worked. now, not so much.

as an extra JAB tribute, i posted the van halen header, which it should be noted i actually made several months before eddie’s untimely passing. we spent his 21st birthday seeing van halen in dallas, so it all ties together nicely.

you got a pretty mouth on you, girl…

sundays always get kinda jacked up in my world. i don’t know why, but they do. today was supposed to be all about grilling. shane and his new girl were gonna come over so he could see the newest member of the pup tribe, and throw some steaks on the grill. but such was not the case…

we HAD said about two. at one thirty, i realized it was just TOO damn hot for me to make a fire outside and stand by it, so i called him and suggested we just go eat at black’s or something. he said that sounded good, but that he was gonna be a little late. at THREE THIRTY, i called him to just call the whole thing off ’cause i was starving and was gonna eat without him. so by four, i finally got some food in me. and due to waiting a while, and the fact that all the folks at black’s like me (except, unfortunately, for the REALLY cute latina that works the soda counter…well, she MIGHT like me, just not in the way i want her to) i was DAMN stuffed off of my usual lunch. i knew i would have no interest in eating for the rest of the day, if not the week…

then the phone rang, and a dinner request was made. the cons of this situation:

a. i KNEW i would be paying for everything
b. i KNEW i would have to drive about 130 miles round trip
c. i KNEW i would not EVEN wanna eat, or possibly even drink water, because i was THAT full…

now, on to the pros:

a. she’s got great tits
b. she’s got an awesome ghetto butt
c. she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch*

*or so i’ve been told…remember, i’m “special”…

yes, it’s the girl with the awesome smile and even more awe-inspiring pierced 38Ds who has actually uttered the phrase, “all i want is for a guy to fuck me in the ass and cum on my face…is THAT too much to ask for?”

so, realizing that i would get just as much housework done if i stayed at home and watched the simpson’s or if i was sucking tequila shots out of someone’s tanned, pierced navel, i headed off to SA to pick up kimberly, the porn star in training (now of the sun-bleached blonde variety).

(so, neither of those things ACTUALLY happened on my sunday night, ’cause remember, i’m “special” (she will SO never live that down) but it made for a good line, right?)

kimberly’s a good chick to hang out with for a LOT of reasons, but the whole bisexual thing is one of the cooler ones. we’re sitting there, gabbing away like we do, and all of a sudden she’s kicking me in the shins and doing that clinched-teeth talk where you’re trying to say something without being loud of your lips moving…

“LOOK BEHIND YOU”

i look behind me, and there are the SA equivalent of christina and brittney (i.e. two HOT blondes) standing there waiting for a table. i turn back around and see that look in the kimberly’s baby blues that let me know that she was just as turned on as i was…and picturing herself doing about the same things to them that i was picturing.

i think this is what they call “bonding”.

then it was back in the ‘bu to roll around SA. pretty much ALL of it. i had the “liquid lunch” at chili’s (i.e. two presidente margaritas, and nothing more…but i DID keep the shaker), but felt NO buzz, and it WAS a nice night, so off we went….the loop……1604 to 281 to i35 to 1604 again, and off to her house in live oak, where she doesn’t even realize her happiness could be just a click away…

Replies: 1 Comment

I think I need to meet this similar chick…what do you think?

Pierced said @ 08/06/2002 01:24 AM GMT

here are a couple of things that were SUPPOSED to be in that ‘jude s…’ piece, but i forgot; it happens…but here they are, typed up fresh on a sunday morning for your worshiping pleasure. now, bow down before the one you serve…and while you ARE down on your knees there, grab me that quarter off to your left; i need to go get a pepsi or something. damn purple margaritas. but i’ll talk about THAT night a bit later…

a. so, this REALLY drunk, skinny, biker looking cracker comes up and wants a ticket, so he asks junior, ‘how much?’ to which junior replies, ‘$33.00′. as to be expected, the guy repeats the price back, and junior reiterates his point. the guy then lets out this little, short, loud, drunk-sounding, “WHOOO” (yep/howl/scream kinda noise that can not be done justice in text form). junior kinda flinched. i didn’t (it takes a LOT to make me flinch at a door; and if i can tell you’ll annoy me, i’ll stone face you and show no emotion at all JUST to make you go away….) then the guy BUYS his ticket, gets his change, looks at the ticket, back at junior, then the ticket, then back at junior, then let out a longer, LOUDER version of the “whoooEEEEEEE’ noise. again, nothing from me. he then looks at the two of us and says, “you two need to………agitate.” to which i replied, “agitate? do you even know what that word MEANS? why would we need to agitate? you need your ass kicked or something? or is that a laundry statement?” now HE was the one delivering a blank stare. a total ‘i can see your lips are moving but i don’t understand a THING you just said’ kinda stare. he silently walked away, only to turn around and start dry-humping the air in the direction of meagan, one of the promoters (who admittedly IS pretty damn attractive). she said THAT was the funniest thing she had seen all day…

b. it was bound to happen, as much as i run around, but i didn’t expect it at 1:00 am on a saturday on my way home from the judas priest show. i stopped in at wal-mart to get food and stuff for the dogs. when i got out of the car, as i was walking towards the store, i hit the button on the remote to lock the car. i did this right as i was passing the front end of an explorer and i kinda brushed the bumper. the alarm starts wailing…two guys just hanging out in the lot by their trucks drinking (???) a few spaces away start laughing (i didn’t flinch at this either, ’cause at this point i was too tired for ANYTHING to make me flinch…) “can you believe that shit?”, i exclaimed, “i BARELY brushed the bumper…” “you DID?”, the guy yelled back (keep in mind, the alarm is still going off at this point), “i didn’t even see the thing move”. i turn to face the black ford, point MY remote at it, and yell, “SHUT UP!!!” and hit the button. it did. TOTALLY silent. the guys just looked at me in awe. i hit the button again, and the alarm started wailing again. hit it a third time and it shut up. “pretty fucking cool”, i said, repeating the process briefly a third time. “you know what you should do?”, one of the parking lot ‘necks said, “you should wait for that ol’ sumbitch that drives this to come out, and fuck with that while he’s trying to load his shit!!!” (he barely got out the word, “shit”, before bursting into hysterics.) “i would”, i replied, “but i’m tired, and i just need to get some stuff for my dogs”, and i walked off. i came back out later and the parking lot drinking crew and the explorer were STILL there. without a word i loaded the car, fired it up, and started to drive away…i stopped about five spaces away, reached down to my ignition and rolled down the window. i hit the ‘lock’ button on the remote, heard that siren start to wail behind me, and drove away.

jude s. priest, esquire

i KNEW friday was gonna be a long day, i just didn’t know HOW long…and the fates weren’t making it any easier. here was las plann originale:

sleep till 10:00
spend time with dogs till about 1:30
head to SA, work the judas priest show till about midnight
go home and be domestic this weekend

then i did my time sheet. and saw i was pretty short on hours last week due to dental and doggie stuff. so, i decided an office appearance would be a good idea, and figured they probably wouldn’t be able to get all my stuff ready for the SA priest show by thursday night anyway. so the NEW plan became…

get up at usual time
spend the bulk of the MORNING with the dogs
be at office by noon
leave by 1:30 or so
head to SA, work…

but then stuff happened at work that i won’t go into for professional courtesy reasons, and i was required to be in by 9:00 on friday. just to be a GOOD kid, i was actually there by 8:20. but lance couldn’t come over and put the dogs out ’cause of work, they won’t let anyone else in the house, and the vet opened too late (ten minutes after i ended up getting to the office) for me to board copper. so the plan as it became was…

get up by 6:15, leave house by 7:30
get to office by 8:30, leave office by 12:30
get home by 1:30, hang with pups till’ 2:00
THEN head to SA, work…

a seventy mile detour just to keep the peace at the crib. in a lot of ways, WELL worth it. and then it was off to work judas priest; a show i knew DAMN well would have walk-up around a thousand or so, and i wouldn’t wanna touch ANY of them…and i was SO right. on the up side, i saw this one metal chick i knew (and have always been kinda frightened of) in SA, who rushed up to me only to recoil as if she was a hippy chick and i had a bar of ivory hanging from a chain around my neck; as she did so, she shrieked:

“HOLY SHIT!!! YOU CUT ALL YOUR HAIR OFF!!!”

she then went on about, “how could i do that….” and how now “all the magic was gone” (to her)….

COOL…now, as if i needed validation for my actions, i feel a LOT better about my decision.

a few stories from the priest show…

1. i started my day there sitting in a VERY small room with three VERY gorgeous women who weren’t wearing much (due to the heat, but who the fuck cares WHY) watching them count a good bit of cash. i looked around at all the dough, the healthy mix of beauty (busty blonde, curvy brunette, and a leggy latina) and said out loud, “wow…three gorgeous women, a shit load of cash, and me…i’ve had dreams like this…” they all laughed, and the two that have known me complimented me on the hair since i was removing my baseball cap as i made the comment. but in the end, i walked out without ANY of the money, or any of the girls…

*begins to sing 80’s dance song*

“back to life…back to reality….”

2. the box office at sunken gardens is a non-ventilated, climate-controlled (as in the climate OUTSIDE controls the climate INSIDE) solid concrete box that is tiny and only 6’6″ in height. the problem is, the shutter that covers the booth window is thick heavy wood and swings up and chains to the ceiling. this drops the height of the box to 5’11”. i’m 5’9″. NO problem. junior, however, is like 6’2″. i don’t know if that boy can straighten his neck YET.

3. apparently, sunken gardens amphitheater has NO issue with people being ass-out, blind-eyed, chin-dribbling BLITZED upon arrival. i saw levels of intoxication going IN to the show that let me KNOW who i’d see security walking out with…sometimes within a half hour of them arriving. and they WASTE beer, too…so much was hurled up on stage during the show the tour manager threatened to pull the band off stage. i can see that happening during an opening act…the bill promised you a band you like, and here this other suck-ass band is on stage, buying time for the guys you CAME to see, just so another stripper can snort a rail off the lead singer’s erection; so you throw a beer to voice your dis-satisfaction with their performance and hint that they may have bailed their gig as an overnight waiter at denny’s a bit early. fair enough. but some openers are actually BETTER than the main act; a prime example being when i got label comps to see house of pain (remember the “irish” american rap band that did the song, “jump around”?) do their first solo tour, and the opener was this new band on college radio that had just put out their first cd…and their name was rage against the machine.

4. it takes a certain amount of the pressure off working a show like judas priest and budgie in san antonio. my only issue with working summer shows (particularly outdoor ones) is you sweat like a slave and then usually see some INCREDIBLY hot girl who’s not wearing much, ends up smiling at you, and you go to talk to her only for your sweaty-ass smell to kill off all hope (and breath). at THIS show, i KNEW there wouldn’t be girl one i’d EVEN wanna talk to…and i was pretty much accurate. to quote shane (who didn’t work the show but these words of wisdom still fit), “the crowd never TURNED ugly…they showed up that way…” now the undoubtedly stripper-infested NICKELBACK show next month there? that will be a WHOLE different story….and i am SO there.

finally, i am ALL about retro 80’s stuff, including some of the lingo…but here are three phrases i REALLY could have done without that i had to hear last night:

1. dude, priest was SO RADICAL in the 80’s….
2. think they’re gonna JAM OUT tonight?
3. this show is gonna be BITCHIN’

which of these did i make up and not really hear?

a. #1
b. #2
c. #3
d. NONE of the above, i actually heard ALL of them
e. ALL of the above; i never heard ANY of them

answer? “d”. as in “dorks”.

josh always says, (quoting some comedian). “you know that guy…who shows up at a show, ALREADY wearing a t-shirt from the band? don’t be THAT guy…” at a judas priest show? that goes TRIPLE….i just don’t know how those shirts have lasted the SEVENTEEN years since the 1985 Defenders Of The Faith tour. they just don’t make ’em like they used to, huh?

Replies: 1 Comment

it’s actually a quote from the [under-rated] film “p.c.u.”.

josh said @ 08/04/2002 05:19 PM GMT