the screwed up samaritan (and i did the screwing up)

in hindsight, his heart was in the right place…

…but at the time i took offense, which is pretty stupid ’cause it’s not like the motherfucker knows me and shit.

so, the other day i went to wal-mart.

as i rolled into the parking aisle i thought i spotted the front space open, but it was a gamble. there was a large SUV in the second space, so it might be concealing an empty space, and it might be concealing a honda civic.

roll yo dice, take yo chances!

well, it turns out it WAS empty, so i parked. as i was looking up my pick-up order on my phone before i went in, a guy pushed his cart in front of space, noticeably glancing at my front plate, then windshield, then the signpost over me that simply said “D” because for some reason our wal-mart parking is marked off like it’s a stadium or something.

but i knew what he was doing.

when i was getting out of the car he was pushing his cart back up, so i offered to take it for him since i was heading in and that is something i am wont to do. but as i took it i said, “i saw what you did – i know i’m the asshole in the BMW, but i’m NOT the asshole that parks in a handicap space!”

lots of stammering and stuttering followed on his behalf, and as he was embarrassed enough to not be able to eek out a sentence i finished with, “my mom had bone cancer and i HATED seeing people parked in those spaces forcing her to walk further, and even more i hate the people that gets permits just because they’re lard asses – they should have to walk the length of the lot! so don’t worry, you’ll NEVER catch me doing that. have a nice day!”

who needs morning coffee when you have morning awkwardness?