i don’t know how many of you watch the weather channel enough to know how the weather’s been in Texas this summer…
…but “atypically hot” is an understatement. i’ve lived in my house for over thirty years, surrounded by fields (not the house, but the neighborhood) and i’ve never had crops get so parched that i am picking up dry shriveled leaves blown in from dead plants in the field daily from my yard…until this year.
and for us unemployed folk the a/c bills are pretty killer, too.
so, allow me to throw some “open letters” on here since i recently realized that, as i expected, my readership hasn’t waned nearly as much as the low hit counter below would indicate (checked stats via my actual service provider only to see that the number below, which is supposed to represent hits since 2002, is actually around 40,000 below the number i’ve actually had in the last YEAR alone – kramer’s always told me it was off, but DAMN!)
so with that much traffic what are the chances the “big two” don’t occasionally glance my way?
dear god –
long time no speak! (okay, so maybe just a few hours).
look, i got a favor. i know you have a grand plan, and that everything happens for a reason, and all that stuff…but why the hell does texas have to feel like a kiln this summer? the only positive i can say for the financial devastation that is being unemployed this long is i have a lot of free time…but what good is all that free time when you feel like you can’t leave your house? not from agoraphobia or something, but from fry-a-phobia since it’s so hot out i can literally grill a steak on my back porch…and not with a grill; on the actual concrete of my back porch!
how’d we piss you off?
look, i’m in no position to tell you what to do, so i’ll just throw three options and hope that you choose one of ’em…
1. let me find a job (or two) so i can afford my utility bill (and keep living indoors)
2. as jobs are scarce, if it’s statistically better for you swap the job(s) for a winning lotto ticket
3. give us a week or two (or more) in the 90’s before labor day
again, just some options, and not really listed in priority order (that would be 2,1,3 in case you’re curious how i’d vote this). thanks, g – just let me know. and tell mom & my grandparents i said ‘whussup?’.
yours in christ,
and then, just to hedge my bets here…
yo, satan –
whussup, my brotha? first off, thanks for the tip on ufc 100…if i was a betting man i coulda made some scratch (and i’d always suspected that lesnar had signed with you LONG before he signed with dana white). looking forward to your bbq at halloween – just lemme know if i need to bring anything. and stop sliding shane those eggs of yours – it’s not funny, and your sulfur pits ain’t got nothin’ on that!
anywho, you and i both know where i’m going when i die – at this point i’m just trying to score a decent table and some parking that’s worth a shit! and while i’ve heard it’s good to “acclimate” to an environment if i’m not dying anytime soon (and you would know better than me) why do we have texas feeling so much like your neck of the woods lately? i know you prefer a warmer climate, but vent the cold you’re trying to get rid of up this way so we can get some relief, k? we need to get the hell out of here…literally! they’ll be plenty of time for that later for me, from what i figure…
…thanks in advance, S. tell MJ “hi” (and don’t forget to remind him if he’d only left the little boys alone he coulda been upstairs!) and let eddie mac know he’s gotta get my first round when i get down y’all’s way since i never got that jumbo check visit from him during his publishers clearinghouse days.
okay, hopefully that helps.