uncle sean’s neighborhood – now kid free!

i just got chased out of the library by folk-singing children…

…okay, not literally.

but i went to the library to look for work, rounded the corridor that connects the old masonic building to the old library (a vision my mom helped come up with, and considering she was dating a mason at the time of her death, i can’t help but feel she had something to do with it happening, so…um…yeah, Mom!) and i heard it…

…kids. shit loads of them.

there was some magic guy wheeling his trunk past me as i walked in. i was kinda sad i’d missed that. but it did explain why i had to park three blocks away at three in the afternoon on a monday.

i just turned thirty-eight. never been married. no kids. this was one of those moments where at least one of those two facts made me happy. i’ve never had to go through this…the corny sing-a-longs. the bad cake and punch. crappy crafts i have to pretend are wonderful because i had a piercing bust out a condom at an inopportune time when i was drunk.

this is a good thing.

the unmarried thing i don’t really regret, either, ’cause it allows me to be single when the right woman DOES stumble along, right?

(and i use the verb “stumble” to imply the alcoholic stupor a woman who walks that fine line of being smart enough to keep my interest and stupid enough to marry me would probably have to be in to say “i do”, most likely in vegas, as an asian elvis delivers the vows and shane and some former porn star stripper he picked up stand witness…hey, if i’m gonna fantasize might as well get shane laid, right?)

but enough of all that…back to the children.

(not in that creepy “michael jackson” way, i might add…what? too soon?)

i have several moms and dads as friends and almost all say the same thing…

“oh, i hate kids…i just like MY kids!”

after the library experience the other day, where they were en mass, i TOTALLY get that…’cept i can just hate ALL kids, since none of them are MY kids, right? and none of you can be upset?

(watch the comments section here – let’s clear all kids named reagan, dalton, taylor, kevin, kagan, and liberty from that list of hate to avoid any shitty emails later…although i do find a couple of the names ridiculous – are we gonna have a whole generation with no jennifers or steves? just askin’…)