egg on my face

i blame the got damn christians on this one…

…and they can’t run from it.

i took good friday off. not because i wanted to be a good little guy and spend my good friday in worship services and fellowship with my methodist kin folk. no, i did it for the money. i am a commissioned sales guy and if product doesn’t ship, i don’t get paid on it – so taking the last day of the fiscal month off is good business; i get a three day weekend, and since i’m already over quota, the quota relief i got for yesterday is just money in my pocket. plus, i figured i could get some stuff done.

“fat, lazy americans…”

that’s how the world see us, and i tend to agree on a lot of levels. while other people of the world are starving and living off a paste made from beetle shells and bat shit, we actually have the nerve to say we have an obesity epidemic.

what the fuck?

polio was an epidemic.

h.i.v. is an epidemic.

political correctness is an epidemic.

but obesity?

no.

i paraphrase an old psychology professor of mine…

“to say obesity is a disease is to say that an obese person is no more responsible for his or her eating than an epileptic is for his or her seizures.

so, since we would stand back and give a convulsing member of society room to ride it out, we should do the same thing when someone is two-fisting pepperidge farms?

i don’t think so.

just put the food down and pick up a dumb bell. it’s that simple. get on a treadmill. you’ll thank me later – mainly because you’ll live longer, and actually HAVE a “later”.

only you can prevent forest fires – and the same goes for your fat ass. but if you DON’T want to prevent your fat ass, you can get all the sugary fatty goodness you want right now, and it’s all shaped like bunnies and chickies and eggs – OH MY!!!

because it’s EASTER WEEKEND!!!

and that’s what this rant is supposed to be about – the laziness of calling easter a “weekend” – be it the three day or four day version. since when did every holiday have to become a whole weekend event? when i was growing up, easter was a sunday. period. it is a christian holiday folks, and the bible only mentions a sunday. there is no, “and lo, the merchants and shepherds stopped working and rejoiced for two days in anticipation of the risen savior and two days after just to make sure that all due respect was given and all dinette sets were sold for pennies on the dollar…” or whatever.

that what we’ve become – a giant furniture outlet. or car dealership.

those were the only places that i can remember where every holiday was a “four day sales extravaganza!!!”. now, we have the same thing just no savings. yesterday i tried to go get the title for the mexican bound storage vehicle – but county offices were closed. then i tried to go pay the gas bill – closed for easter “weekend” as well. and here i thought “weekend” was saturday and sunday. so, it was off to the utility company and all the city offices were closed as well. so, after doing all my business (minus the title) via drop boxes i went to the bank fully expecting to have to pull money from the atm and be done with it. but you know what?

they were open.

think about it – banking hours are normally ten to three – every other monday, wednesday, and friday – and only during the even numbered months – and they were OPEN. hell, i couldn’t even get flea stuff for the puppy tribe ’cause the vet was closed for easter weekend. and the damn BANKS were open?

you know american industry is in trouble when bankers are working when everybody else is closed.

so, when will all these trends reverse? personally, i’m taking the darwinian angle on this.

eventually the fat and the lazy (and particularly those who are the combo meal of the two) will start to die off quicker than expected. i saw a cnn report that shows that expected lifespan is down and the F.A.T. (“Fat Ass Trend” – my own term) is to blame. they’re lowering the bar and the average. now back when people just used easter as one of two reasons they just had to go to church (xmas being the other, of course) we lived longer – and that was before modern medicine could perform the miracles it does today. isn’t it sad when with all the pharmaceutical advances of our day that we live a SHORTER amount of time? maybe if we spent more time at work or at least off the couch and away from the doritos we would lose weight and live longer. but we have these lazy, long weekends for every little holiday and sit at home and take for granted the fact that by the time we reach that state their will be doctors and nurses to snake a tube down our throat and feed us long after we are to large and lazy to even raise our arms to eat or wash ourselves with a rag on a stick.

and speaking of feeding tubes, somebody pull an “eastwood…million dollar baby” on that florida girl – nobody should have to starve to death, but nobody should have to live that way. make it quick and painless, call it a mercy killing, and be done with it. stop giving the media an excuse to NOT focus on the bullshit commercesploitation of the middle east that is gulf war iii or whatever, okay?

but never mind that now.

every holiday should not be a long weekend. being irish, shouldn’t i have taken thursday, march 17th AND friday the 18th for st. patrick’s day? (and by the way, it’s “patrick”, not “patty”). i didn’t. and i survived. next year, let’s try and cap our holidays at four days for the biggies (xmas/hanukah/kwanzaa, turkey day), three for the medium monday government sponsored ones (memorial, labor) and the rest just when they fall as a one day event. unless you sell cars or couches, ’cause it’s your tradition – you folks actually work on those days, and harder than ever – ’cause you’ve lost your lease and everything must go!!!