well, finally…

it’s about damn time. that’s all i have to say. it’s about fucking time…

and NO, i haven’t found a job yet.

sorry if that got some of y’all excited…

but at least some of the suffering has sorta kinda paid off.

i am not a pot head. if i was, the half ounce picked up last fall for a girl i was hanging out with back then wouldn’t have lasted damn near a year in my house before i smoked all of it…but a lot of the stuff i’ve heard about weed is total bullshit (go figure). i didn’t stop bathing regularly. i didn’t crave pizza and nachos and cheetos and microwavable burritos and krispy kreme and hemp jewelry and dreadlocked, anti-shaving women and patchouli and nag champa and tie-dyed anything and birkenstocks and hackey sacks nor did i start listening to lots of bob marley or string cheese incident or widespread panic or the grateful dead or phish or polyphonic spree or any of that other hippy jam band bullshit. (i do still like marley, it just didn’t make me “up my intake”).

i also think the only time the term “gateway” entered my world was either when dealing with the PC dealers with the cow-printed boxes or while setting up someone’s LAN connection. the occasional green bowl never had be lusting for acid, xtc, coke, crank, pcp, speed, special k, whippits, or anything else. i just like the way i feel when i’m stoned. they say it’s not addictive, and i don’t know if i believe that…maybe i’m not addicted to the plant itself, but i am addicted to the effect.

but i’ve been good. why the FUCK have i been good? been abstaining? been doing without? it all made sense yesterday when a computer spoke to me…

“would you be willing to consent to a pre-employment test for illegal drugs? press <1> for yes, and <2> for no…”

does anyone EVER press 2? do they get hired? something tells me probably not…

so MAYBE, if this gig comes through, i’ll have to take my first drug test EVER. but i would also be going after my first job where i couldn’t wear shorts to work, so we’ll see. at least there’s finally a job prospect where the pain of abstinence makes sense. that’s weed abstinence, mind you…not the sexual kind. don’t get me wrong – been doing without that, too…but that’s just fate being shitty to me.

and if i land this job? finally get a real job with a real paycheck? you KNOW some celebration will be in order. and when it is, i am getting SO fucking stoned it would scare cheech & chong…

Replies: 9 Comments

oh yeah…

first off, i never said “buy”. i said “picked up” as in “acquired”. no money was exchanged, er go no “buy” took place. possession is nine / tenths of the law, but since nothing is CURRENTLY possessed from said acquistion, there would be no prosecutable evidence. so nobody would be an accessory. and here i thought the law was all about details and facts…

also, some of this site is reality, some reality-based fiction, and some total bullshit. but all entertaining, right? right? RIGHT?!?!?

(stroke the ego…stroke the ego…stroke the ego…)

sean (again) said @ 10/30/2003 12:26 PM CST

badges? we don’t need know steeenkin’ badges…now, hand cuffs? whips? nipple clamps? other things? that’s a whole different story…

sean said @ 10/30/2003 11:48 AM CST

Thirty fuckin’ dollars?!?

No way, man. Just slam the cran! Makes you piss orange and everything.

Actually, I hear they don’t test every sample they get. More like 1 in 5.

capman said @ 10/30/2003 08:49 AM CST

i know. i’m a paralegal. feel your pain. but, you know, i’ve found that the badges and handcuffs can be useful from time to time.

kathi said @ 10/29/2003 11:40 PM CST

Ha! Kathi! Only around those little men with badges and handcuffs.

scorpio redhead said @ 10/29/2003 10:37 PM CST

paranoid much? hey, isn’t paranoia a common side effect….

kathi said @ 10/29/2003 09:13 PM CST

astrowhore.org, is of course, entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance to real persons or events is purely fictional because you wouldn’t want to make any of your friends accessories after the fact because the friggin’ statute of limitations hasn’t expired on your (purely hypothetical) marijuana buy, right?

the pissy redhead scorpio lawyer said @ 10/29/2003 08:10 PM CST

bullshit, spend the $30-35 and buy terminator gold. then you can keep smoking until the day before your test.

shane said @ 10/29/2003 04:39 PM CST

just slam a bottle of cranberry juice with some goldenseal. works every time for me.

4:20 said @ 10/29/2003 03:41 PM CST