i am the lizard king…or savior…or something

i don’t remember when they invaded, but i DAMN well know they weren’t here when i grew up. i’m talking about lizards. or geckos. or whatever the little clear skinned mother fuckers that are all over the place now would be called. when i was growing up, you saw plenty of green lizards, and occasionally brown lizards…but it was rare. now, unless you live WAY urban, you see these little translucent bastards everywhere, and they rarely grow over an inch or two before they get stepped on, or caught on a bug or rodent sticky trap, or something. the first time i saw one, i caught it, thinking i had something kinda rare. than it’s 176,453 relatives arrived and i gave him (or her…who can tell?) back to la familia reptilia.

so imagine my surprise on tuesday morning. i was about to hop in the car and go to work when i noticed i hadn’t gotten the (junk) mail from the day before. i went to retrieve it and noticed one of the survivors of this tribe perched on the pink brick wall. now, living in a pink house has had it’s disadvantages…when i was younger, it was many a “creative” individual playing a john cougar mellencamp song for me. much later it was drunk fucks pulling into my driveway at 3:00 am trying to order fajita combos…but i guess that was my fault for adding the neon trim…once that came down, there was no more taco cabana confusion…but never mind that now…where was i? oh yeah, the mail…

so this lizard on the wall, and he was a good three or four inches in length…damn rare for that breed ’round here. “how the fuck did you live so long to get so large if you’re dumb enough to die by sitting outside on a 38 degree night?”, i wondered out loud. when i pushed him with one finger, he fell still in my hand, with all legs sticking up in the air. “i ain’t buying it”, i told him (or her…who can tell?), and carried my new friend in the house, placing it (for lack of a gender pronoun) in a jar with some wood shavings and holes poked in the lid. “resurrect yourself while i’m gone”, i softly said into the jar as i put the lid on, “or i’ll toss you back in the cold when i get home.” i then sat the jar on a shelf in the guest bath and went to work.

i came home to a very alert little lizard pacing around the jar. cool.

i’ll grab some baby crickets tomorrow on my reptile food run and toss them in the jar. the release into the wild will happen saturday afternoon, if it wants to leave. my good deed for the week is done. now, what to do to brighten a life next week…any suggestions? OTHER than actually getting back in the habit of writing daily? yes, i know, i have been pretty lazy with this, haven’t it? yeah…well…dock my check.

Replies: 3 Comments

Mr. M**,

We at the Karma Corp. Temp Agency take our jobs very seriously, and though we realize your handbook of savior powers is still on its way, we would ask that you not cast dispersions on your rates of employment with us. We assure you that your account has in fact been credited with the appropriate amount of Karma for the translucent lizard file. Thank You, and please let us know when your Savior Handbook arrives in six to eight incarnations.


harold said @ 12/01/2002 10:39 AM CST

Well I’ve been a BAD girl…what do I get for that?

the redhead said @ 11/30/2002 08:54 PM CST

well, if you’d really like a suggestion as to how to brighten my life I’ll take a Jaguar XKR convertible full of blond strippers. after all, it is almost Christmas and I’ve been a VERY good girl.

Porn Star said @ 11/30/2002 03:34 PM CST

0 comments… add one

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *