you take the good, you take the bad… (a throwback)

i assume the two assholes mentioned below were in the news when the bit first ran since i gave zero explanation on who they were?

so the first one was a prime suspect in the murder of child beauty queen (three words that should NEVER be strung together) jonbenet ramsey and the latter a convicted mormon child rapist who is still, despite being in prison for life plus twenty, the president of a fundamental church, so don’t say you can’t take it with you.

explaining the title – the bad is while there were THREE entries exactly sixteen years old YESTERDAY, and another one from sunday, there were none in between so i randomly picked one off another archive source and landed on one from an entire MONTH with no archival bits, so that list on the left of your screen just got longer!

you are the dumbest ass in captivity
by sean ~ August 29th, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized.

the title comes courtesy of della reese in harlem nights, at the time talking to redd foxx…

…but today it takes on a whole new meaning.

why is it that all the national headline criminals are just plain fucking stupid?

take this john-mark karr fuck. i really, really, **really** tried not to give this guy any screen time here. the day he was arrested was the day after liz’s birthday so i was fairly hung over and not exactly “crisp”. but i was crisp enough to notice the one line on cnn.com that scared the shit outta me:

At the time of his arrest, Karr was under investigation for an unrelated sex crime, two law enforcement sources told CNN…

the man was picked up for a sex crime in BANGKOK?!?!? the asian city that takes it’s name pretty literally? i mean, this is the land where a guy can go and somewhat legally have sex with a seven year old boy in a bar and then go watch two high school age girls fuck a chimp. all for under $20 including dinner. and this country was gonna arrest him? how bad does that have to be? i mean, getting arrested in thailand for a sex crime is like being thrown out of shane’s house for getting too drunk…

(sorry, son, but it is…)

i thought this would do it for the week when it came out that he had confessed, and gotten all this face time, and then it turns out he wasn’t even in the STATE when it happened. and the evidence proved it. he was just some crazy person who thought he had done something he hadn’t. fair enough. plenty of crazy people in this world, although our tax dollars don’t usually pay their airfare across the pacific with full meal service and all, but never mind that now. this had to be the dumbest ass in captivity, right?

not so sure…

what matches the irony of getting busted for sex crimes in bangkok? how ’bout getting popped for getting married too many times in las vegas?

(clearly the fates bought a new irony amp at the spinal tap garage sale and cranked it to 11 this week just to see what it would do)

so Warren Steed Jeffs, who apparently was the basis of harry dean’s character “the prophet” on hbo’s \\big love\\, was popped just outside of las vegas.

of all the places, that is just fucking funny.

it’s not funny that he would run off young men in his “church” so the older ones could marry and fuck teenagers. and it’s not funny that he would assign people’s wives and kids to new guys after he would kick out some of the older guys. BUT if the women and children were weak-willed enough to follow through with all this? or the guys would just leave? i don’t know if he should be alone in the blame game on this; not that i agree with any of it, i’m just saying…

…but i digress.

and i have a plan.

okay, so these guys like to prey on those weaker and smaller than them, right? i think some of those ufc guys should be let loose in a ring with these two for a fight to the death…literally. only one rule – don’t stop till both members of an opposing team die.

eye gouging?

choking?

rapid kicks to the groin?

all legal – just don’t stop till they die.

we put it on pay per view and give the proceeds to the victims families.

who would sign up?

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