ah, mondays…the day where your job inevitably doesn’t even ask the courtesy “piña colada or wild cherry?” question and simply rams it in ya, prison-style, and trusts that you’re man enough (or woman enough) to take it. my little turking came courtesy of our tech support gent deciding he didn’t wanna work today, so in addition to the calls that lap over onto my extension when he is here, i got all the ones he would occasionally bother to pick up as well. there weren’t a LOT, but there were enough to remind me why i don’t technically (pardon the pun) do tech support here, or anywhere else, for that matter…and also enough to remind me why i didn’t apply for said position…
in a nutshell? i don’t care…
i really, truly, don’t.
and in that position, that’s not good. i can fake it for a bit. i was raised by females, ya know…i AM in touch with my feminine side. if i can’t feel it, i can fake it. y’all can be good at that, or so i’ve been told; but never mind that now. if you’re reading this, it means you own a pc. or use a pc. or at least can SPELL “p-c”. (yes kramer, or “mac”) and you occasionally might need tech support…so here are a few phrases, that i have heard WAY too often today, that you might wanna avoid…’cause the talons are out on this entry…you’ve been warned.
i hate this thing
yeah, well, it doesn’t think much of you, either…shut the fuck up and do your job. i’m paid to make your machine work…not to make you feel better. and when the actual TECHNICAL issue is pure operator error, then there’s not a lot i can do. my quote of late around the office is, “if it doesn’t have a cord, it’s not my problem”. do YOU have a cord? gonna stick one in your ass to make yourself my problem? if you do, you have problems i can’t even begin to fix. but if you don’t get help at charter, please…get help somewhere.
my computer is frozen
is it covered in a thick sheet of ice? cold to the touch? can you use it to keep steaks fresh? then it is NOT frozen. it simply stopped working. just re-boot it. or control-alt-delete. it’s what we’ve told you to do every blessed time you’ve called. and we’ve noticed that nobody from your store ever has a problem except you. maybe it just doesn’t like you. none of us really do. have you ever contemplated suicide? we help those who help themselves. period.
my computer is down
sounds like a personal problem to me…cheer it up. dress sexy for it tomorrow. or try talking dirty to it. that would cheer me up. or maybe it wouldn’t…all depends on what you look like, i guess. maybe you should buy it flowers. tell it how much it means to you. maybe a grease-down and a shiatsu? why can’t people just say “it’s broken” or “it doesn’t work”? losers.
my computer just won’t do anything
what do you want it to do? a puppet show? dance a jig? tell you a funny story? it’s a fucking COMPUTER. i need a LITTLE more info than that if you want me to help you. what does the monitor say? what error message did you get? what color paint chips did you snack on as a child? just saying, “it’s broke” tells me that…
a. you checked it’s bank balance, because “broke” indicates financial issues and “broken” indicates mechanical ones
b. you don’t really WANT the fucking thing to work, and you’re calling me just to appease one of our customers who MADE you. it’s a dog show. put on a collar and do tricks for me, you little bitch.
i mean, honestly…my machine’s just trying to do it’s job, but if you don’t WANT it to, it can’t. it’s a combined effort and doesn’t need someone running defense on it, okay? the bottom line is, our computers don’t slap the frat boy’s cocks out of your daughter’s mouth while she’s trying to do her job, please show our machines the same courtesy.
i think that’s it for now…thank you for indulging me in this. feel free to add more at the comments if you have a gripe…like y’all wouldn’t anyway. think i sounded a bit TOO bitter?
Replies: 3 Comments
why do you think i drank so much when i had the job?
prison bound said @ 11/12/2002 04:45 PM CST
Dunno, I just wish I was man enough to steal some of your comments. Excellent tech support answers.
astrofishy said @ 11/12/2002 03:04 PM CST
I just LOVE your positive energy…..
the redhead said @ 11/12/2002 02:15 PM CST