i always do the sunday sixer thing…
…but i figured since it WAS on sunday and all, maybe we needed to talk spiritual for a moment.
(NOTE: i did NOT say “religious”, i said “spiritual”)
we are all inspired by many things. our child’s unconditional love. our significant other’s extremely conditional love (going of my own past experiences on that one, and since i have no kids i just guessed at the first). a sunset. a rainbow. a puppy.
(anybody else getting sick of the positive imagery here? i am, and i’m writing this shit!)
you know what i bet inspires nobody? absofuckinglutely nobody? “inspirational” emails. seriously. in a world where the motivational poster industry has taken a backseat to the DEMOTIVATIONAL computer wallpaper (although some can be motivational still, as shown by one i had to get after i saw it on shane’s computer – see below)
sorry, what was i saying? oh yeah, stay outta my booze!
(get it?!? nuns? sunday spiritual bit? don’t say i can’t keep a theme going!)
no, that wasn’t it…(checks notes)…ah, yes – the “inspirational” email. i think i need to start writing the uninspirational equivalent, ’cause there are six things i can promise you will not happen if you forward one of these things that now has me blocking my own sister from certain emails ’cause i got sick of getting this shit daily. or damn near daily. enough to where i decided maybe her lifelong stance on us not talking that much wasn’t such a bad thing…
(and before anybody thinks that was cruel, i don’t even think she knows i have my own website, let alone what the url is…)
anywho, six things i GUARANTEE will not happen to you just ’cause you press “send” eight times an hour after you get one of these…
1. you will not get a “financial windfall”
2. you will not find true love
3. a child will not be saved from cancer
4. you will not have a lucky life based on some mathematical equation of how many of your soon to be ex friends you sent it to
5. tonight’s lotto numbers will not “come to you”
6. you will not be “blessed” by whatever diety is the “god of email” this week.
this all descends from “chain letters”, which went out in the seventies ’cause i believe they were made illegal. in today’s world sending a letter that says “do what this letter says or else” is a terroristic threat, which can get you in all KINDS of legal shit. just ask JMS who had to spend a weekend or two picking up trash by the side of the highway for such things…no es bueno.
plus, my mom taught me about “chain mail” when she through out a chain letter in front of me back in 1977 when we lived in this nice house in the woods of north austin. all that happened was she got divorced, had to see the pretty house and move her family to lockhart, and she still got to live with me for another nineteen years! see, no bad luck there, right?