no longer without a net

sometimes, not most of the time, but sometimes, my laziness saves my ass…

…wednesday was one of those times.

i was off wednesday and the plan was to do the yard – but first, i had some errands to run so i took mr. grey out for a spin. i try to put a bit over ten miles on him a week (at minimum) to keep things circulating and percolating. and i didn’t wanna do it all with the smell of gas up my nose, so i didn’t take the mower gas can that would need to have more than the two drops that were in it to complete the task.

but by the time i got back i had convinced myself i would push this off till friday since it was already after ten and pretty warm (although there really was a nice breeze, which almost got me to do it, but thankfully my slothness prevailed). when i got back i hit the can and the toilet didn’t flush right, which happens a lot. why? because my house is older with cast iron pipes but the city re-did the pipe through my yard a few years ago with pvc, creating a lip where charmin and shit (literally) will build up and cause some back pressure. typically five minutes in the clean-out with a drain snake and we’re good for months, but when it gets bad and can shoot shit (again, literally) out the side of the house, so i decided to check and make sure that wasn’t happening.

on the upside, it wasn’t. but that was the only GOOD thing i saw on that excursion to my side yard.

i have a huge fucking tree that had half way died ages ago. i cut most of the auxiliary branches off, but the big main one off the fork was too big for my chainsaw to tackle, so i just left it. apparently whatever was in that half is now in the trunk because you can see the trunk starting to go even though the other half of the tree is massive and green and lush.

this might not end well.

and while walking around the fucker to assess the level of suckage on this project (not a question of “if”, just “how much”) i noticed our new unwanted tenants – a new hive of bees in the trim of the house again.

fucking super.

the last time i mowed i had an aggressive bee come after me, getting between my sunglasses and my eye. thankfully it didn’t sting me, but i DID make me stop mowing a time or three. i figured i had mowed down a flower it was on or something – but now i realize it was protecting the hive. this hive. so my yard gets to look like shit (lest i get swarmed again mowing like i did a couple years ago) and i can’t go after this tree with a chainsaw (same reason) until we get rid of these little fuckers.

i tried to go the hippy route last time and found out while conservationists will take the hive for free they will also do four figures worth of fuck up to your house that you’re expected to pay for – so i don’t have the bankroll to be environmentally friendly – sorry.

if i could still mow my yard without being attacked and take down this tree without getting swarmed i would happily live in harmony with these little guys, i might add. but they won’t see thing my way.

the bigger down side was for the last several, several years i’ve had the homeowners insurance that the mortgage company pays for, which doesn’t really cover any damage to the house or belongings, it just protects the mortgage company. why? because whenever it would come up for renewal it was around the holidays and dough was tight for a down payment. but i sacrificed my grill money to get us covered on thursday so now if the tree does head south (literally) and fuck anything up we finally have protection – so that helps me sleep a little easier.

and the bees?

well, the first time i had them (in 2005) i sprayed the hive with dish soap water and they went away after a couple days. i tried that on the second one but i wasn’t a straight shot in the hive so it grew regardless and a professional had to be called in. we’re trying the soap for a week, than giving in and calling a pro. we’ll see where it takes us!

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