one more try on this one (bonus mix)

so, here’s the scenario…it’s 8:02am on hump-day (the most sarcastically named day of my week lately, much to my dismay) and i am WAY stoned. thoughts are hurtling through my head like stage-bound beer bottles from my hand at a creed show. later on in the day i’ll be wading through sorority girls and strippers and jason bagwell’s little brother and his friends and my boss and a few thousand others all satisfying their hip, cool, inner-redneck at the dwight yoakum show, or i’ll be nuking up leftover pizza with josh before he skates off to new york for the weekend, or i’ll be leg pressing a quarter-ton a dozen times or so…but for now, i’m just trying to grab as many of these thoughts and feelings and images as i can while still answering a few questions correctly.

these are not SAT questions by any stretch, but the responses are almost as important…questions like, “you doing okay?”; and, “sean, you still with us?”; and the ever-crucial, “you’re not floating too far away, are you?” these HAVE to be answered correctly; for if they’re NOT, doctor burton will make me breather NORMAL air for a while instead of the gas, and i can get normal air at home.

i answered correctly. 100% correctly, thank you very much. for two fucking hours. fuck lattes, and pepsi, and frapuccino…NO2 is the REAL way to start your day. plus, now my front teeth look like teeth again; not some hillbilly version there of; so now i can SMILE and not feel self-conscious about it…if only i had something to smile about. (only kidding)

of all the stuff that floated through my head while i “kissed the sky”, only on profound question stuck with me back to life, back to reality…..

“why can’t more of our relationships in life be like the one we have with our dentist?”

now, i don’t mean that in the money exchanging hands way ($260 out of my pocket yesterday; but given the results it was worth every penny); and i don’t mean it in the “stay drugged up to deal with the time together” sort of way (although i know people who have had at least temporary success with this one, too) i mean the level of selfish honesty….blatantly selfish honesty.

ninety-nine percent of relationships have at least SOME dishonesty to them. be it in jest, or to save your own ass from the small miseries; certain white lies are just THERE…like the answers to…

“do these jeans make my ass look big?”
“how often have you been flossing?”
“do you know how fast you were going?”
“do you think that waitress is prettier than me?”
“have you been sticking to that diet we laid out for you?”
“what are you doing with that sheep?!?!?”

(got you on that last one, didn’t i? – that WAS a joke, folks)

but so many people commit what i consider one of THE cardinal sins of relationshipness (is that even a word?)….that is, making yourself miserable so the other person can lead a pain-free life. a certain degree of it can be chalked up to human compassion, which is a good thing. but much like good food, good booze, or good sex (hold up…ditch that “good sex” one off this list) too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. would you do that at the dentist? HELL no…there are no martyrs in the dental chair…why can’t we have that level of emotional or mental darwinism in real life?

we’ve all been guilty of it…me, junior, kathi, kramer, kimberly, and pretty much any other name you’ve seen on here….the only question is, “why?” are we THAT nice of people? suppose so…but i guess being nice, like the other aforementioned qualities, in too large of quantities, can be a bad thing..and not that “good” kind of bad thing. that costs extra. or so i’ve been told…wait; that’s getting off on a WHOLE different subject, isn’t it?

Replies: 1 Comment

I am NOT a martyr anymore. Screw that. Just ask, you’ll hear it, “Kramer? He’s a jerk. He said, ‘No way, man.’ To me, no less.”

astrofishy said @ 05/16/2002 10:45 PM GMT

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