well, at least our first horrible pun is out of the way…
…but i digress.
as most people around the country know, austin was recently plagued by a new problem. no, not rampant growth far beyond it’s infrastructure or parking or even 80’s era russian-style lines for bar-b-que. this one was an ACTUAL problem – a serial bomber.
two of the first three fell in the six degrees of separation range (i’ll spare details, but we knew their best friends and/or neighbors) and then it got random, weird, and worse. the spoiled little millennial dipshit that did it (white, so send thoughts and prayers ’cause it’s a mental health issue and nothing else can be done) blew himself up to avoid capture, and then they searched his residence and found…get this…a “bomb factory” in his house.
how the fuck was this news?
i would expect a “bomb factory” to be the residence of a mad bomber. kinda goes with the gig, ya know? want to make it news, tell me you found…
a shrine to justin bieber – now we’re talking PSYCHO!
forty-six clown costumes – and you thought he couldn’t get scarier!
a mechanical bull collection – yes, even in texas, that’s pretty fucking weird
a box fort made of used pizza boxes – even bombers have to have hobbies?
a white castle steamer oven – ties to him to the east coast…boston…nyc…911…conspiracy theorists unite!
a mannequin done up to look like donald trump – forget i mentioned that since it’s equally not surprising