how do i get mother nature to stop punching me in the face?

first off, if i have any teen readers (doubtful) with acne feel free to re-use the title of today’s bit…

…although, much like high school, my skin’s still clear.

no, this is more an allergy thing. i simply can’t get them to stop. one of my few points of pride (outside of linguistic brilliance and radiating motherfucking charm, of course) is that i don’t get sick. like, ever. i have occasional allergy bouts, and we’re clearly in the middle of a five round no-holds barred ladder match currently.

but actual sickness is rare.

that makes it nice because i don’t go to the doctor (nor do i care for them since most these days are just trying to fatten that pharmaceutical kick back check and could honestly give two shits about your health and well being). i’ve gone with nikki a few times. her primary care is the daughter of my primary care. he’s semi-retired and only works one day a week, but that’s one more day than i typically need. i had to go to him once to get a note so dell would give me a stand-up desk to work from, which i had actually had for four years but they changed their policy and you could only get one with a medical note – no grandfathering in for those of us who had never had a sit down desk in our almost half decade with the company. welcome to corporate america! so, i paid a twenty-dollar co-pay to get a note.

prior to that i had been to get an ear blockage cleared, and i remember mom commenting that riley (her boyfriend) had to do so occasionally as well. that means that visit was pre-february 1996 and then the “note visit” was mid-2008. i remember the doc making fun of me because he remembered a conversation between his daughter and i when i came in for the ear thing…she was in college and still not sure of a major. i told her to take her time and realize if she chose wrong, it didn’t doom her to ALWAYS follow that career path.

she chose pre-med soon there after and at this point shares his practice. so, that’s it – two visits to a doctor (not counting dental or optometry here) in the last twenty-five years or so? my plan is the spring before i turn fifty i’ll go in for a physical…and if all checks out, i’ll check back in with them in another fifty years.

but back to the allergies…

…i think the weather fluctuations have my system all in an unpleasant way. saturday we almost hit eighty and it was sunny…sunday was cloudy and in the sixties. today was the same. but tomorrow it’s supposed to rain and stay in the fifties with more rain and temps in the forties wednesday. then temps go back up and the rain goes away…for a day. or so they currently predict. shit, tomorrow it could snow or hit eighty again. the human body isn’t meant to have weather fluctuate this wildly and my allergies are reminding me…often.

i’m not even 100% sure what i’m allergic to – but it hates me.

but remember kids, climate change is a liberal hoax. fuck you, trump.