how many booze bits did i write? seriously? (another flashback)

so, i tried to “wrap up” my re-run vacation week with a bit that posted on the first…

…but then i realized by my “every other day” schedule it needed to be scheduled on the second, which was a tuesday. that meant the first “new” bit was due on thursday – THROWBACK thursday. hence, no new bit. do you think i should stop the pattern of doing bits exactly fifteen years old yet? neither do i!

01/04/2003: “kinda drunk…ignore the massive typos”

josh and i have been playing pool at bum’s billiards…a LOT. there are certain signs that you’ve been frequenting an alcohol dispensary on a regular basis. take tonight, for example…i showed up about ten minutes ahead of josh and kristin. i walked up to the bar, and all the way around the crowd was about three deep. and then “the magic” happened. and i DON’T mean that in the lakers OR lady’s man sense of the phrase…

from out of the crowd, a hand shot out…and it was holding a pint glass that was 100% beer free. what it DID contain was 60% crown royal, 20% coke, and 20% ice. “there’s only one name ahead of yours” a voice from within the mass o’ folks says to me. then a rather cute, pixi-like waitress hugs me for no reason, and i haven’t uttered a word yet. nary a peep (rare as hell for me , i will admit) and i’m already on the list for a pool table, i’ve got my drink, and the wait staff is hugging me. nice. here’s another six pack of reasons you KNOW everybody knows your name…

1. the owner buys you shots

2. they SING to you when you’re tables ready (in this case, “if you’re bald and you know it grab your balls…” i took it a different way, rather than the “come grab your BILLIARD balls from the bar and proceed to the table” way, yet i’m still welcome. another reason, i suppose.

3. random people you don’t know (or don’t remember knowing) come up and shake hands with you for no apparent reason.

4. people come up and wanna “play you for money”. quick note on this one…if you’re in a bar that doesn’t actually offer pool or darts or trivia or SOMETHING, this would be THE TIME to switch to another bar if this offer gets thrown your way.

5. the cute lil’ blonde 90 lb sprite of a waitress keeps hugging you throughout the night. yeah, i know i already mentioned it…AND i know she has a boyfriend. but last week, when i was feeling a bit down (a feeling that unfortunately hasn’t completely subsided) whenever she came up and asked if i needed anything, i kept answering, “a hug”, and she kept obliging. now she just thinks i ALWAYS need one. what am i gonna do? stop her? do i look THAT stupid?

6. you have a “usual” anything. usual waitress, usual table, usual drink, usual look from the cop that’s always waiting on the outskirts of town to bust people in the condition you DAMN well know you’re in but for some reason he let’s you slide. or in my case, all of the above, but swap the last one for “usual look i get from the dogs when i get home and they jump up all excited only to flash me the ‘hey look dad’s home and…oh shit…he’s in THAT state again….let’s let him go babble on that damn web page instead of to us and then maybe he’ll sleep the rest of that shit off….’ look.” what can ya say? they KNOW me…

damn shame, too. kathi can back me on this (she saw me tonight right before i left) i looked GOOD this evening…

0 comments… add one

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *