flashback to drinking games i thought up

12/16/2002: “greeze it up!”

as the holidays approacheth, and we all start to take stock of our lives and see where we are. we also begin to look at the other happy people around us, our impending invasion of relatives, and one thought courses through our brains and veins with a fevered pitch…

“DAMN, i need a drink…”

yet sometimes simply pounding booze seems sad and pathetic. at least to outsiders. but shit, if it wasn’t for most of them, we wouldn’t be driven to drink anyway, right? still, it does sometimes make it a little more festive if we make a game of it. i think drinking games probably go back as long as their has been drinking…or at least as long as their have been institutions of higher learning. and with me being the bitter, lonely, always up for a good buzz type, you know i’d come up with some of my own. hell, some i’ve even played on my own. but i tend to play with myself a lot these days.

wait…that sounded bad. ignore that last one, okay? now, let the games begin…

carbon dating

this one requires a little research, but it can be fun. everyone picks a number between one and five (man, i hope nothing above five is needed!). then, you pull the brick out of the fridge. okay, so “brick” is a harsh term. in a former life, at least to the grade school kid that sold it to aunt sara back during bush senior’s term, it was called a “fruitcake”. now, not so much. anyway, you now reveal to the number holders how many family members / friends of the family / unlucky family friends hands this has passed through before it hit your table before their eyes. the lucky ones then get to call the shot, and the unlucky ones have to drink as many shots as pairs of hands the “confection” has passed through. first one to puke or pass out has to take a bite of the brick once it thaws.

it’s a lucky number

you just can’t beat drinking with a vegas theme, can you? well, at home it CAN be a twenty-four hour thing, just like vegas. and if you play your cards right (pardon the pun) you might even have someone attractive bring you your booze, and she’ll (or he’ll) let you tip with something OTHER than chips that you might enjoy, too. not that this has anything to do with the game, it’s just some pleasant thinking. anyway, you set up a roulette type board, and everyone picks their number. then you reach for the remote control, and start to flip. if something xmas and sappy comes up, you have to take a shot or more. here’s the scale i would recommend…

“(fill in name of network here) wishes all of you a happy….”= 1 shot
holiday commercial = 1 shot
holiday show (not cartoon run every year since the dawn of time or simpsons or southpark) = 2 shots
holiday movie (but NOT it’s a wonderful life or home alone) = 2 shots
holiday show that IS a cartoon run since the dawn of time (including charlie brown, rudolph, frosty, etc, etc, etc) = 3 shots (just ’cause at this point in our life we need it to appreciate them)
holiday show that IS the simpsons or southpark = three cans of beer, two shots of whiskey, and a lapdance from your girlfriend (’cause homer and cartman would want it that way)
holiday movie that IS it’s a wonderful life = half a fifth (do you need to ask why?)
holiday movie that IS home alone I or II = four shots of whiskey, two of jaeger, and a mossberg pump-action 12 gauge shotgun with the eight round magazine FULL of slugs to blast through the screen when they show that little blonde bastards face. DAMN he made my life suck through most of college. write me and i’ll tell you why.

jingle jingle

if you know my history, you know i worked in a record store (and not a mall or chain one) for four frickin’ years…so a bit of musical geekdom IS in order around holiday time. and this one fits, because the artist in question (who used to have a personal issue with me that has since been resolved) has a head that kinda looks like a xmas ornament (like i can really talk, i know…but work with me). so here’s what you do. get the moby play cd, or his recent hits one…put it in your cd player, and hit “shuffle” then see who can nail the product(s) that was used to sell recently. whoever names it first gets to call out someone else at the table and make them do a shot of choice. sadly, fatboy slim’s “you’ve come a long way”, baby can be used for this as well. admittedly this is more challenging for most, but i know a lot of my former sundance cohorts read this page, so i figured one geared for them was a good call. believe it or not, the characters in the movie high fidelity were pretty damn accurate.

whiskey clause