the word “sixer” should have a crooked “e” but i can’t get it to do it

so, i guess it was about fourteen years ago, give or take…

…i got let go from my last “rock n’ roll’ job”, although i guess the current one is pretty rock n’ roll by most people’s standards.

but fourteen years ago, after the disastrous decision to start trying to sell ski lift tickets in colorado the ticket company i’d worked for for a bit over three years had to cut staff as i was the only guy who wasn’t related to the head of IT i was cut. after six weeks of unemployment i was at kramer’s, which is where i discovered:

i’ll do almost anything for a sandy’s combo – i do love me some sandy’s. kramer agreed to buy that night, provided i go online at this place (i had no internet at the time) and apply with spherion to work at dell. i was strapped (there was all kinds of hiccups with unemployment due to the shady as fuck bookkeeping at the ticket company) so i applied figuring there was no fucking way i’d get a call anyway. in hindsight i shoulda dropped the five bucks for a combo, ’cause…

corporate america doesn’t listen to you worth a shit – i passed the “online test”, as well as a phone test on business ethics, so next up was a possible in person interview/test and they asked what time frame to call you. one of the options was “5pm-7pm” which i figured was for people who had jobs and couldn’t get calls like that while they were at work. well, they didn’t KNOW i was unemployed, so picked that time frame ’cause back then i’d still sleep till almost noon and shit. well, i kept getting these missed calls from an eight hundred number around seven am or so. but it only called once a day and NO voicemail. being broke and jobless i figured it was a bill collector or some shit, but nope – it was them, not listening to when i wanted to get my call. fuckin’ assholes. i shoulda learned…

not all corporate america folks suck, but MOST of em do – fast forward five years and some change and i get, rather unceremoniously, walked out of the building. i knew it was gonna happen, and had, in fact, had a phone interview with another company over lunch. i had already cleaned out my desk completely with the exception of a sheet of paper that hung in my cubicle with a couple lines off an old sting song:

it takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile, be yourself no matter what they say

(“they” had a crooked e like the dell logo)

afterwards i texted, no bullshit, over fifty people and invited em to one last happy hour since i wouldn’t be up in round rock afterwards. two responded in the negative, the other forty-eight didn’t bother, so i went out and drank solo. of those two one i’m still close to (tina) and the other i still chat with occasionally (chris). the rest i cleared out of my phone and haven’t spoke to since. they’d just be a reminder that…

i just never belonged in corporate america – if you look at my resum√© you’ll see the dell part and hear that sesame street song in your head, “one of these things is not like the other…”. likewise, if you talked to ten dell folks and i was one of ’em you’d hear the same song. i just never fit. i’m one of those rare folks that, when shit is fucked up, feels he should say, “this shit’s fucked up”. even when said in corporate speak (i.e. “i have some personal challenges with the current wave of policy changes”) they don’t like that shit. what’s proof is when i tried to think of some positive memories or lessons from the experience all i could come up with was…

jason’s deli and chic-fil-a make really good breakfast shit – although, to show how much this meant to me, i haven’t had either since the last day i worked at dell (that was a jason’s day): january 30th of 2009. but after all that…

i still love me some dell latitude notebooks – i sold them so well i sold myself. every time i need a new notebook i look there first, then look at the rest…and always pick up a used latitude. i know they’re built well, the warranties are kick ass (they come to you to fix it, and my current notebook i’ve had for over a year still has six months left on the service) and they work with all my docking set up in the home office. so, at least THAT came out of it.

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