after i did an old bit for tuesday because it was a holiday and shit?
so here’s a re-run bit about lazy fucks put out today because i’m being a lazy fuck:
05/07/2002: “a new excuse for slacking”
so, on my way to work today, i heard a spot for a piece that’s gonna be on FOX 7 tonight, that i just couldn’t believe….”are you obsessed with the fitness craze? do you exercise TOO much?” man, i can’t wait to watch this tonight…’cause you KNOW somebody’s gonna use that as an excuse to NEVER un-ass their couch again.
“can’t do it, man…don’t wanna develop an unhealthy habit”
slackers. or as i call them, motivationally challenged.
you know what happens to these people, right? where they all end up?
the enormously fat people who get handicap parking JUST because of their size.
if i ruled the world, this would SO change. when my mom was alive (towards the end there she had a hang tag due to the bone cancer in her hip), and we’d try to go to heb, a good chunk of the disabled spaces would be taken up by the elderly or disabled people. but a good 25% of them were taken up by people who’s only disability was their inability to stop going to the Mr. Gatti’s all-you-can-eat pizza buffet after trip number FOUR. i do think these people deserve special parking, just not the blue spaces. we need to give them orange spaces.
now, before you read any further understand that if someone is obese due to a glandular condition, or debilitating injury that causes them to not be able to move around much, or what have you, that’s all good; and with a doctor’s note, i feel handicap parking is justified. but if you’ve been huge your whole life, avoid the gym like it was a leper colony, or any other non-medical condition, you deserve an orange space.
the orange spaces would be at the BACK of the parking lot. of the mall. of the ice cream shop. and of the grocery store. that way, when you went to these places, you have to park FURTHER away and get some exercise on the WAY to the caloric crack house you know as your own personal nirvana, the grocery store. or where ever the food you crave happens to be.
and if you park in a normal, unmarked space? $50 minimum, $200 max…just like when people park in the handicap spaces.
and if YOU park in a handicap space? we get your car. permanently. we’ll take it apart, melt down the metal, and use them to make wheelchairs for REAL disabled people.
how much you wanna bet you NEVER see an obese person in a handicap space again? the orange spaces would ONLY go to those who feel they should be treated special because they saw the “31 Flavors” sign at Baskin & Robbin’s and took it as a personal challenge. IF you never try to get handicapped parking, decide to just live with your size but PARK with the rest of us and just sweat your way up to the door, we leave you alone. sound fair? of course, we’ll see how i feel about all of this AFTER i watch the news tonight…