afternoon delight (an afternoon quickie)

so, when i got my last new tattoo, right before christmas, i made my sister a promise not to get anymore. now, i know what you’re thinking…i’ve been talking about a lot of tattoo work since, but those were all re-colors or completions, NOT a fresh piece. so as promised, if you’re reading this, teri, the count is still sitting at ten…

but i told her there would be two possible exceptions to this. number one was, if i got married, and i won’t until i know she’s THE one for me (and vice versa…may have already found her, but never mind that now) and she’s cool with it, i would rather have our bands inked on us then done with jewelry…although i WILL make up the loss of shiny pretty things in that regard to her in other ways. two, if i ever have a kid (as in father one, obviously…i can’t give birth on my own) whenever my kid writes his (or her…but probably his) name for the first time, i’m gonna get it tattooed on my chest to where when you touch the signature, you can feel my heart beat underneath it. all together now, “awwwww…”

now, however, i must add a third. see, my grandmother died, as some of you might recall, on may third, which was a friday. the next weekend was mother’s day, and having the memorial on THAT day wouldn’t be cool, so we postponed it till two weeks from then, since that would have been the weekend of her ninety-fifth birthday. but since it IS wedding season, the hall was booked till june EIGHT, so my uncle set it for then without thinking. i say, “without thinking” because just like every other small town in texas, lockhart has it’s little annual festival complete with parade, rodeo, etc. and it’s held the second weekend in june. look at your calendar. that would be the eighth, and the methodist church, where the services are to be held, is right in the center of the parade route, meaning that there is NO parking, NO access, and nobody would go anyway since they’ll all be out at a bar-b-Q cook-off or whatever. so i just got a letter from him saying the services have NOW been set for june FIFTEENTH, which is the weekend before MY birthday, but i’m cool with that. at this point i should remind everyone that my grandmother DID donate her body to science, so it’s not like we have a body turning sour on us, as it were.

but that’s where i come to my next exception to the tattoo rule. after i die, and i mean pretty much RIGHT after i die, i want harold (or whoever succeeds him at sharp things) to tattoo an expiration date on the bottom of my right foot, lest i die around christmas and my family try to push services till after new years or something.

for now, that’s the dying wish….y’all try and make sure it’s honored.