buddies for bucks

for all my texas readers i don’t mean that annoying shit they give your kids at h-e-b:

yeah, that shit…

…no, this is about a service i had no idea existed, but i guess i shouldn’t be surprised – rent-a-friend. move to a new town and not know anybody? too creeped out to meet people at the job that moved you there? rent-a-friend! go through a bad break-up right before the holidays and need somebody to take to those holiday parties so you don’t look all loserish? rent-a-friend! somebody to hike with? bowl with? shop with? fuck actually getting to KNOW people, build relationships, and all that shit – just pay their ass to hang out with you!

this is legit shit – i heard about it because my buddy’s brother does it in florida. they have to pay for all expenses if there are any AND he makes thirty bucks an hour. and it’s explicitly in the verbiage of the site that they’re not paying you to fuck them, so it’s not some whore action, although i fucking guarantee at least one person has used it that way.

isn’t it sad that’s what this world has come to?

so you’re socially awkward as hell and can’t bear to leave your apartment, but don’t wanna spend another night in that chatroom pushing to get buffy the vampire slayer back on tv? well now you can call up über eats and get thai food delivered for two, call rent-a-friend for your own personal plus one, and order up some conspiracy theory shit on netflix all without ever seeing ACTUAL FUCKING DAYLIGHT or breathing fresh air!

paw-thetic.

slowly but surely we are moving towards never leaving our homes again. it’s scary out there. just look who got sworn in the other day and all the shit that started…

…but i guess i have a whole other site to talk about that shit now, don’t i?