all locked up (there’s pills in that locker! part 2)

so, it’s now friday – four days after i “started” a return with amazon with their locker system…

…and here we are. average response when i did it via ups box was four hours.

i guess we know which way i’ll go next time.

i called yesterday and got a person with a thick non-american accent. when i said i needed help figuring out a return, she started to read her script about how to do the return online…and WOULDN’T FUCKING STOP when i tried to interrupt her to explain i had already DONE the return on the website and the problem was with their locker…but somehow i she caught the word “locker” and said, very flatly, “i am not trained in working with the amazon locker system – please hold for a specialist”.

i thought i has somehow stumbled onto the secret key word to get an american on the phone. dopey me.

after a brief hold time (i’m not being sarcastic – it was under two minutes) i was on the phone with an accent so thick you could patch a leaky roof with it. she asked if i had a problem with a locker. i said “apparently”. she flatly stated (i should explain “flatly stated” equals you can tell the person is reading a script they’ve read dozens of times, with no natural inflections or emotion, merely proud they muddled through a paragraph of english, albeit incomprehensibly so to a native english speaker like you or i) that lockers can be used to pick up purchases but if the locker didn’t show as an option online it’s not a shipping order. i told her my problem was with a return, and she went on to say i had to set up my return online, and as i explained i HAD she talked over me explaining how to do so (once you start a script, apparently you HAVE to finish it). then the ufc called in, i just hung up on them thanking them for ZERO help. i then vented to her while my phone went off alerting me to incoming email…from amazon. one explaining to me how to do returns online (which i had done) and one explaining how to ship to lockers, which i never needed to do. that was wednesday. today is friday. still no note on my amazon account indicating they have seen SHIT from me.

and the hits just keep on coming…

…but just so we don’t end on a negative note, did you hear we can get booze at taco bell on the drag now?