monday math & munchies

okay, so sue me…

…we’re doing a “twofer tuesday” on a monday since there’s no tuesday entry this week…

…it happens.

so, in order of appearance –

is chasing after a girl fifteen years my junior a bad thing? hey, she’s curvy, hot, and gave me her number…don’t judge me.

wait…that’s not what the “math” portion was supposed to be about.

so, as previously mentioned, ’tish has a mite issue. due to the proximity factor, i skipped zoo keeper (my preferred reptile store) for petsmart and got THEIR version of mite meds. they suck. totally went back today for a refund. the price was $9.99, which with TX state sales tax of 8.25% is $10.81. i walked in with my bottle of crappy mite meds, a receipt, and nineteen cents in change so i could get an even eleven bucks in a refund.

you’d think it was calculus or something.

when i told her my “grand plan” she went through the motions and gave me the dry response,

i don’t know if the register will let me do this…

you don’t know if a REGISTER will let you give even change? a fucking REGISTER?!?!? so, a computer already controls you? can the skynet / terminator age be far behind?

(this is the geekiest moment my site will see for WEEKS, i might add…)

“look,” i explained, “the register doesn’t NEED to know. i prefer i don’t have any change on me. just proceed as usual…how much do you owe me?”

ten eighty-one

“okay, so if you owe me ten-eighty-one, and i give you another ninteen cents, how much do you owe me in change then?”

see, that’s what i don’t know…i don’t see where i enter when you give me EXTRA change…

“you don’t NEED to see what to do, you fucking idiot!!! you owe me ten-eighty-one…you add ninteen cents to that (i hold out my had displaying a dime, nickel, and four pennies) and you how much do you owe me?!?!?”

i’m trying to see…the register isn’t telling me…

“hey! blonde bitch!!! (she WAS blonde…no bullshit) you don’t need the register to do BASIC FUCKING MATH for you, do you? what’s ten-eighty-one PLUS nineteen fucking cents?!?”

um…er…the register says…

“FUCK THE REGISTER!!! i’ll save you the mystery – if i give you ninteen cents on top of a ten-eighty-one refund you owe me an even eleven bucks! gimme a ten and a one!!!”

okay, but if i come up short…

“here’s my number (i actually give her the real one) – CALL me if you come up short, and i’ll give up what’s needed to make you balance…i PROMISE!!!”

(phone hasn’t rung yet…and i am SO cool with that…i’ve had two “register” jobs in my life – at the record store, if the owner caught you using the register to tell you how much change to give he griped at you for slowing down customers, and then berated you like a high school bully for a week or two. in concert box offices, there WAS no way to have “the machine” do your math for you – you just had to do it. what’s TRULY scary – this bitch has a job, and i DON’T…)

moving on to the “munchy” part…

…i still don’t know how i feel about going to see cheech & chong on friday the 13th.

it was cool to see the show – it was cool to be photographed knowing it’s gonna end up on cable or dvd (not sure, as security said, “by entering you agree to be on live tv later”. hello? if it’s “live”, if it’s now. if it’s “later” then it’s not fucking live!!! clearly wrangling crowds with an asp baton and a mag-lite doesn’t require you know the meaning of the word “live”, i guess…)

moving on…

it was a good show – it was just all stuff that if you own their greatest hits album (i do) and saw most of their more popular movies (i have) you’ve heard. still cool to see live (especially for us treasured few who worked in the industry and know the meaning of the word “live”), i guess – even better if you end up immortalized (time will tell) on a future cable or dvd (or both) release. funny, now that i think about it – if you go see a MUSIC act, and they don’t play the shit you know, you feel let down…but if you go see a COMEDY act, and it’s all shit you know, you feel let down…or at least i do. again, time will tell. and speaking of “time”, time for my unemployed ass to go grab breakfast tacos and look for work…