i love how terminology has changed over the years so the suckier parts of life will, in theory, be less sucky…
…so it’s still the same suck-ass activity, it just sounds more pleasant thanks to pc labeling.
for example the card i had to deal with yesterday. in the old days we would call it “jury duty”, with the word “duty” conjuring up, at least for me, military service sort of things…like we don’t wanna, but we gotta kinda vibe; and let’s face it, THAT’S how the fuck it is. at least for most of the world.
but now they say you’re called for “jury SERVICE” – like it’s your pleasure to SERVE them.
fuck all that.
i’ve gotten out a variety of ways – a couple times by waving and smiling at the defendant (one of them i did legitimately know) so they let me off figuring i’d be far from impartial. i got off once for gushing about how proud i was of the prosecutor as we were in high school band together (again, all true). once i pleaded economic hardship (which isn’t supposed to be a reason, i can be convincing) and once i actually WANTED to be on it because i thought it was a bullshit case and my “don’t be a fucking pussy” line during questioning (struck from the official court record due to “lude content”) got me struck by the prosecutors…
…so it goes.
but yesterday i had to get out. we’re super busy readying a location to close and so i really needed to get to austin and help my buddy nate move (he’s the one that did the killer portrait work on my forearms) shop to shop and i actually invoked a legit, licensed, legal jury bail-out: having to care for a kid.
see, if you’re responsible for the care and feeding of a kid under twelve, and fulfilling your “civic duty” as a juror from nine to five would cause said kid to be left alone and unsupervised they will let you out. and while i take care of him in the mornings and get him to school, that’s all pre-nine. and his mom picks him up, with me going “back on the clock” (as it were) once she crashes out about 8:30-9. but there are occasions where she has to work late and i have to pick him up – and i couldn’t guarantee that wouldn’t happen for a solid week and a half, so i invoked it and split…
…and what happened ten minutes ago? we got a call from the school district saying to due “inclement weather possibilities” school would be delayed two hours, meaning i don’t drop him off till 9:30 tomorrow, which would have been my first day as a juror had i been selected. i couldn’t have made it on time, and justice waits for no man…so no putting the “jury” in “perjury” for me!