jack it up!

i probably shouldn’t be inventing new crimes in this world we live in…

…but somebody’s gotta do it, and like so many a criminal mastermind before me (hannibal lecter, serge storms, et al) i feel like i’m not so much perpetrating a crime with this idea, but more doing a public service. so we’ll go with THAT theory, okay?

grand theft auto is a major crime…taking somebody’s car is NOT cool. that being said, i fully feel driving isn’t a right, it’s a privilege…and i always taught “abuse the privilege, lose the privilege”. the “abuse” doesn’t necessarily mean speeding or breaking any laws, per se…it can simply mean you go forty where it’s sixty and the road’s clear. or driving along for seventeen blocks with your left turn signal on and NOT turning. or like the lady the other day in the lexus suv who pulled in the left turn lane, but her right signal came on, and when the light turned she gunned in (thinking she’d be faster off the line than my three series beemer, which was not the case) and almost clipped me cutting me the fuck off after she went in the turn lane to get around me and the eight cars behind me.

the word “cuntish” springs to mind.

for people like that i have invented a new crime i think we should all be able to do freely – “key jacking”.

while i wouldn’t wanna steal her over priced toyota, i felt like i should be well within my rights to run up, take the keys out of the ignition (or yank the proximity fob if it’s a push button start) and take off leaving her stranded and, more poignantly, unable to inflict what she considers “driving” on the rest of south austin. or maybe we just call it key “borrowing” and we get them back to the owner in a couple days, you know after they’ve had time to think about how they fucked up or who they fucked over while waiting on the bus for a day or two.

yes, i think we need to seriously look into this…

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