the cop out sixer

no, this has NOTHING to do with my dog…

…but it might as well have. doesn’t have to do with cops, either.

we’re live, folks – and by that i mean the days of having several entries in the can; tan, rested, ready, and scheduled are gone! actually, it’s been that way for a few weeks. back in the summer i was running almost a MONTH in advance – just had to insert something timely here or there (fourth of july, juneteenth, etc) and all was good.

but now, we’re day by day – which my life seems that way, too, so i guess it just reflects the man writing it more accurately, huh?

but, anywho, i knew i had to do a sixer for today, and with it being the last sunday entry before xmas, i figured it should be holiday themed; that was where it got sticky. as we’ve covered, no kids, no lady, no nothing and nobody for xmas makes for one bitter, lonely fucking time for me. you know that “pain and suffering creates great art” shit? well, clearly the whore is NOT great art ’cause all this pain and suffering ain’t inspiring a fucking thing…

…who knew?

so, i got stuck – writer’s block to the whatever power. but what the fuck did i attempt? that’s where we get…

six xmas sunday sixers that now will never be

6. dimissed reindeer names – here was the problem…everything i came up with sounded like naughty additions to the seven dwarves (horny, druggie, etc) more than santa pullers.

5. signature holiday shots – i only came up with two…the “starry night”, for the name, the ingredients (jaeger, which has a deer on the bottle, and goldshlager, which has gold like jesus got and tastes like ciniman, which is a classic holiday flavor) and the “candy cane in the ass”, a shot of rumple in a chocolate shot glass. gee, wondered why this didn’t fly…

4. sick xmas songs – sounds a lot more fun than it is…you’re probably envisioning elves getting lapdances and shit. no, this is literally SICK songs…”tissue balls, tissue balls, on my bedroom floor…” kinda shit. i only get sick once a year, and this year it decided to be around the holidays and be a DOOZY. talk about adding injury to insult with the whole l.s.b. xmas and all…

3. six must enjoy holiday flicks – admittedly, this was me trying to go with a pretty typical theme and “make it my own”, as it were. the problem? once you slam some booze watching bad santa and xmas vacation what more do you fucking need?

2. six things cartoons teach us about xmas – too much research on this one. would be fun to throw down some simpsons, family guy, even some classic charlie brown shit – but googling all those quotes? finding the exact verbage? i mean, i like you guys and all but…

and finally…

1. six things i want different about my life my NEXT xmas… – admittedly the most heart-felt and honest one i did (so it had NO place on this site what so ever) they all basically boiled down to two things…be with some who loves me for me, not because of what i can do for them or how much better i make them feel about themselves (that was most of it) and not be broke as hell (which in this economy…) but more the first than the second. something to shoot for, right? and if not, look for more whiskey-fueled mayhem for xmas 2k9!

(oh, who are we kidding? you’ll get that regardless…)