we wish you a merry shut the fuck up

…and i could go off on this with several entries, but i’ll TRY to limit myself to just one.

although i make NO promises.

in a nutshell, i hate the holidays. i really do. i remember when xmas was one of my favorite times of year ’cause of all the cookies and parties and presents and shit. that’s when you’re seven years old. fast forward three decades and your single and alone and bitter and childless and cookies just make you fat and xmas just fucking sucks. period.

not that i’m bitter, per se.

but tonight it’s gonna get down to freezing. or so i assume. i WOULD check the weather channel site, just like i WOULD be doing this entry on the site rather than in a notepad file. but the mexican restaurant i’m getting drunk in is having internet issues (hence that opening statement about keeping the theme alive…probably should have explained that earlier, eh?) but anyway, it’s gonna be sack-shrivling cold and i have nobody to curl up with to keep me warm.

that kinda sucks. no, i take that back. that REALLY sucks.

allow me to point out a few elementary physics issues with my night tonight – it will get down into the thirties with a stiff north wind. my headboard is against a north wall of the house and has a six foot wide window inches above it, making the temperature of my be around forty degrees, give or take. while the heater WILL be blasting dragon’s breath grade heat the heat vent is about twelve feet from my head where as the window will only be about two feet from my head – and both are above me. hot air rises (bye-bye heat!) and cold air sinks (straight from the window to my skull). translation? it sucks to be me…

…in more ways than one.

in addition to being single (which i think we covered), bitter (which is glaringly obvious from this tequila-fueled entry), and alone (which i guess is a bit redundant) for the holidays i also have a high probability (from all i can see) of being unemfuckingployed to kick off the new year. nothing caps of lonlieness quite like financial devistation, right?

shit, where was i? i took a break to hit the enchilada bar. hate xmas? covered that…single, alone, and bitter? think we covered that as well. empty rita glass? oh, fuck that – hitting the bar. be right back.

okay, what did i miss…oh yeah, i was entertaining YOU. just a little fucking clown for your amusement, i am.

i kid, i kid…

so, yeah. don’t end conversations with “merry xmas” or “happy holidays” when you’re talking to me unless it’s on december 24th or 25th. don’t expect me to deck the halls with balls of holly (although if you’re a cute girl named “holly” that wants to show my balls some xmas cheer feel free to let me know).

okay, enough of the tequila fueled bitterness. i’ll let this go and not do any more negative holiday bit…