the topless sixer

the weather down in texas these days has been GORGEOUS…

…combine that with gas that’s under two bucks a gallon (who knew we’d ever see that again?) and it’s convertible cruising time for me. while on the open road the topless life is rockin’ – but hit a light and things change, and sometimes downright suck. your sunday six pack – times when getting the motor running and heading out on the highway (with the top down) are good, but hitting that light at the offramp (or where ever) can get ugly:

6. day laborers – yeah, you think it’s uncomfortable coming up behdind that landscape truck when three guys of questionable citizenship status are staring at you? try it when they can hear your phone conversations and smell your pizza in the front seat…

5. sprinkler systems – had this happen to me only once on the way out of a pajama party, and it didn’t nail me but rather the busty latina in my passenger seat. come to think of it, this one turned out to be good after all…at least that night.

4. gravel trucks – or dump trucks, or any kind of truck hauling something with shrapnel potential…ever seen one of those rocks bounce off your windshield? try taking one in the cheek! i can only imagine how much this one has to suck for bikers.

3. homeless guys – it’s already uncomfortable when they stare you down with their limp and their little sign…now picture removing the window and roof barrier…you’re RIGHT THERE and shit. wow, they did WHAT to you in ‘nam?

2. charity cases – not to be confused with the homeless; these are those wonderful folks who want you to give to needy kids, or the firemen’s pention fund, or some nameless hospital cause where they’re wearing white and the patches on their shoulders are held on with safety pins…again, try to duck their gaze – it just doesn’t work. i usually fake some fake eastern european dialect…i remember just enough german to pull it off. do NOT try this with spanish unless you actually speak it – ’cause they do…well.

and the absolute biggest annoyance for me?

1. fucking tourists – they make me stand in line for twenty minutes for bbq on a saturday. they make me take pictures of them and their bastard kids in front of the court house. then, at traffic lights, because i don’t have a roof or windows and therefore are RIGHT THERE they feel they can chat with me like i’m in THEIR car….

“excuse me, we’re so darned lost…can you tell me how we find the…”

no – i don’t care. just ’cause i’m in a convertible and thus seem acessable doesn’t make me the city help desk…ask at a gas station or convenience store or buy a gps.

i just crank the radio at the lights these days and wish the world away…