don’t worry about the title – this is NOT about a former president trying to start a rap career…
no, this is about another famous texan and a trip i took to the east side for medical supplies the other day. now, before you start judging me i do not use the phrase “…to the east side for medical supplies” as some sort of euphemism for going to buy weed or whatever. in the tattoo industry a lot of my guys’ supplies cross-pollinate with what’s used by the medical industry – gloves, sterilization pouches, cavicide, and the like. and the place where we buy it is on the east side of austin in a completely unmarked building (lest junkies know what’s in there). and on the way there the other day i saw this:
and thought to myself, “fuck me, i gotta figure out a way for that to work on the whore”. mere hours later, only blocks away, lance armstrong admitted to doping. okay, so he was actually just filming the interview down the road…it broadcast on oprah’s network.
see, lance loves the cool whore! i know you might think real whores are cooler, ’cause they fuck you and all, but this whore is just as (if not more) entertaining, doesn’t charge you, won’t get you divorced or give you some kind of nasty disease…so this whore is cooler!
(it should be noted for all my overly caucasian readers that “ll cool j” actually stands for “ladies love cool james”, which is what i bastardized for the title of this bit…see, unlike new order song titles mine make sense in the end!)
now, back to the matter at hand – he was accused of it, lost his titles but denied it, and now owns up to it? what was the fucking point? i understand wanting a clean conscience to run in opposition to your unclean blood (har) but they’re already re-writing cycling history to show their golden boy screwed the pooch – why spike the ball? he lost his tour de titles and after the bit aired (oprah’s, not mine – i don’t carry this kind of weight in the world) the olympic folk contacted him and want their bronze metal back.
all i gotta wonder is what does the boy do from here? it’s not like he ever did anything else BEFORE this, did he? i hope he saved some dough…otherwise this job market might not treat him well; and no question as to whether or not he has to piss test for whatever job he gets, huh? unless he gets a service industry gig, ’cause if they tried to run that drug free it would cease to exist – can you picture trying to figure out what to leave lance armstrong as a tip after your meal? i mean in cash, not counting that worn-out (in more ways than one) “LIVESTRONG” yellow bracelet…you guys remember he started that rubber bracelet trend, right? i miss my “LIVEWRONG” black one…