the rubiks cube of the 21st century

this one, i admit, i got permission to do…

…which i don’t know if i really needed, and i don’t know if i DID need it if i got it from the right person. but i got it, which in my eyes shows i at least partially care.

or something like that.

as i mentioned i was around for a birth last friday but sunday was when i wasn’t there and wished i was. apparently putting a car seat in the backseat of a german sedan is more work and configuring than i would have given it credit for.

who knew?

ladies, picture this – you’ve just given birth to your first kid. you’re tired. worn out. ready to get the fuck out of dodge (i.e. the hospital) and go home. you’re helped into a wheel chair (keep in mind you gave birth friday afternoon and this is only forty-eight hours later so walking is a bit of a chore) and you’re wheeled out of your room, with family, newborn, and all your crap in tow. you take the elevator down, get pushed out onto the concourse, where your chariot awaits…

…and you’re greeted by the sight of your baby’s daddy’s ass sticking out of the backseat and mass profanity emulating from the sunroof as he attempts to mount the child seat (not meant in a sexual way, although that might have been less tricky) in the car.

never mind the fact that it COMES with instructions – in four languages. never mind the fact that it was given as a shower gift six weeks prior. he’s decided NOW is when he must undertake this, sans instructions (in his defense, that’s a guy thing) and it apparently is a bit more of a chore than originally thought.

you sit. your family sits next to you. and the afternoon heat begins to set in.

traffic is waved around as the hazard lights of the car thump in rhythm to your pulse and more and more profanity gushes from the open sunroof. all of a sudden he spins around and you see his face for the first time in a half hour.


“i have an idea”, he starts in, “i’ll go to the police station…one of them HAS to know how to put this in right…”

and away he goes. leaving you and your two-day old kid to sit in the lobby, as you sent the family off to the house partially, i’m sure, due to frustration with this whole incident.

does anyone see the major flaw in this plan OTHER than the whole abandonment thing?

a police station is not like a fire station. firemen don’t drive around LOOKING for shit on fire. you have to call them, then they head out. they have lots of down time, which i guess is when they get the chance to pose for all those calendars ME and the rest of you drool over. but cops are actually out and about DOING shit. so unless it’s shift chage, the chance you can just wander into the station and get one to help you out is pretty remote, i would figure…

…plus, i don’t know if even THEY do this kind of thing. i mean, i know they can figure out the seat. any idiot (save for one, apparently) can do that. but never mind that now…

eventually i think the kid was taken home spears-style (i.e. in a parents lap – illegal, unsafe, but effective) and last i looked the seat WAS mounted properly in the car (the bastard finally did it!) but who knew there would be THIS much drama involved?

why couldn’t i have been there? oh yeah…it was april 20th. we all know what that means….