why i share my latest addictions with you people i’ll never know…
…that being said, here we go.
i have a problem. not with drugs. or booze (beat that one back this month…again). not with nicotine (feel like i’ve been neglecting the humidor, actually – both in the home and the rob sense of the word). no, this is an addiction i did beat once just to show myself i could, and did it with no adverse reactions – but now i have no desire to get this jittery-ass monkey off my back…
…and it’s a primate named “caffeine”. a word i can never spell properly the first try, i should point out (spell check corrected that one for me).
i’ve tried lots of ways to get this going – coca-cola, energy drinks (i fully believe my recent bout with the tooth decay is due to the incredibly high ph acidity in rockstar (used to have a four a day habit) and monster, so now when i do have the occasion to do energy drinks i make sure they’re low-cal, low-carb, and non-carbonated to reduce that issue. the problem is, like any other drug, your body builds up a tolerance.
and with that tolerance comes extra requirements to get that fix. enter into the game what i have dubbed “black crack”:
it tastes like a sour apple jolly rancher that got tit-fucked by a bottle of green nyquil (if you go for the “sucker punch” over the “apple ambush” just swap in “can of hawaiian punch” in place of “sour…rancher”) and has not one, not two, but FOUR warnings on the label. i was going to transpose them all here, but i’ll give you some highlights instead because that is a LOT to type:
“start with half a bottle (keep in mind this only a four ounce energy shot) to assess your tolerance, than proceed to no more than one bottle in a twenty-four hour period” (that one i’ve actually heeded)
“while taking this product to ingest caffeine from any other sources, including, but not limited to, coffee, tea, soda, other supliments…” (two notes here – the phrase “including, but not limited to” is in the main warning THREE times, pertaining to other sources of stimulant, medications you shouldn’t be on if you do this energy shot, and medical conditions you shouldn’t have if you consume. as for the “other caffeine” part i had it an hour ago and i’m drinking mexican coke while i’m typing this)
“may be way too strong for some individuals” (on there twice) and “may be stronger than any other energy-boosting product you’ve ever tried” appear on there once. i just see this as a marketing ploy.
my personal favorite?
“This product may contain ingredients banned by some sports organizations.” I’m not gonna lie – seeing that one made me HAVE to buy and try it!
At three bucks a throw it ain’t cheap…but i does keep me awake and alert for up to eight hours, provided i “re-up” with some caffeine via soda or vitamin water or something. and once i get used to this shit? i guess meth is the only way to go…