the great chase of five weeks ago

there are times i’m glad i don’t keep my gun in the car…

…this was NOT one of those times. although in hindsight it was probably for the best.

it started off such a peaceful saturday. i’d been stood up for a date the night before, so i had gotten more sleep than i thought i woulda, so i was all rested and in a good mood and shit. hell, i’d even gotten up early enough to stop for breakfast tacos for all the opening crew at the shop – but i still needed caffeine, and i had started getting these energy shots from the gym i was really liking…so i planned on going there as a last stop before the shop.

i exited for the gym, busted the u-turn lane (it’s on the opposite side of the interstate from where i was) and started heading up the frontage road. i got less than twenty yards from a street that intersected the frontage and this giant car-carrying semi pulls out in front of me…s l o w l y. like five miles an hour slowly. and i had been going sixty.

i screeched on my brakes, leaned on my horn, and as i passed i gave him the finger. not some long drawn out, “fuck you and your mother and your father and the horse you rode in on” version, just the quick, maybe two second, “WHAT THE FUCK?” version and kept going. i was over it.

clearly he wasn’t.

about two blocks up was the turn-in for the gym. as the shopping center it’s in is on a major highway frontage road i always look in my rear view mirror to see if anybody’s barreling up behind me so i can tap the brakes a few times to signal “hey, slow down, i’m turning here”…and my mirror was filled with semi grill. i turned in fast…

…so did he.

now, i had the top down and had planned on leaving it that way as i was just gonna run into the gym to grab the energy shots off the counter, pay for ’em, and split. but now this semi had pulled in to, and as i rounded the parking lot to pull up in front of the gym i heard, “HEY!!! I WANNA TALK TO YOU!!!” and i see the guy getting out of his truck. what the fuck? he’s in a company vehicle, loaded down with new cars, and he’s going after me like this for being pissed he totally cut me off? i did the math – this bold plus this stupid plus a half mill in new hyundai coupes on the trailer to me equaled “gun in the cab of the truck”…i know i would have one. and i knew i DIDN’T have one in the car.

so i punched it and took off from the gym with him yelling after me the whole time.

at the end of the strip center i blew through a stop sign and totally cut off a volvo turbo coupe, who then started following me aggressively (i.e. “chasing”) and i just said, “oh, fuck this!”. i crossed the road into the parking lot of the virtually vacant highland mall, aimed for the long way around, and dropped the hammer on the bmw.

when i got to the other side of the mall and was about to grind to a halt to yield to airport blvd. traffic i looked down and was going a buck o’ three.

i had to stop to yield to a few cars (i guess i didn’t if i wanted to keep the morning’s “theme” up, but i did) and in doing so allowed the volvo, who was one parking lot exit up, to catch up. i cut out into the left lane and he waited till the last possible second and did so as well, cutting me off, and going eight miles an hour right in front of me. i got around him and we pulled up to the red light together – my top down, his windows down.

“what the fuck?!?”, he asked.
“dude, this crazy semi cut me off and when i gave him the finger he chased me into the gold’s parking lot!”, i exclaimed.
“that’s fucked up!!!”, he responded, “i’d have bolted, too – those crazy fucks carry guns in their cabs”
“i know right…my bad on cutting you off. sorry, dude!”, i added.
“all good” he replied…and we pulled away from the light.

needless to say this little adventure negated me needing caffeine to start my saturday.