it’s good to have goals

here’s my end of year goal…

…and it’s not the usual. it has nothing to do with my weight (although there’s a goal there, too) or my love life (ditto) but rather my financial picture. i want to stop having my economic side play out like a fiscal version of are you smarter than a 5th grader?

(a game i kill at, i might add, but i don’t know if that’s saying much…)

in the game you have questions of various grade levels (1st through 5th) and you are made to feel stupid that you forgot random grade school shit you haven’t touched in twenty years. and the hiliarity ensuses, as they say. but my financial situation tends to lean towards the “cheats” you can do…

peek – in the game this means you get to look at your neighbor’s paper (who on the show is actually a ten year old fifth grader) and see if you like their answer. in my financial world it’s when i peek at my bank balance, almost shit myself ($28 left and ten days till pay day?!?!? wtf?!?!?) and so i use what my bank calls a “direct deposit advance”. you can get up to $500 at only 10% interest until you’re next payday. living check to check is tough – living check to check MINUS five bills is damn near impossible these days.

copy – in the game it’s just what it sounds like – you copy your ten year old neighbor’s answer in the hopes it will bring you big money. and here you thought wagering on ten year olds would only make you cash in places like thailand and mexico! in my financial world this is when i copy money from one place to another – usually from some payday loan site. you can get cash to your account within twenty four hours from the comfort of your office at only triple the PMR (that’s Prime MAFIA Rate). talk about a deep hole to be in!

and finally…

save – in the game this is where you TOTALLY know the answer, you fire off whatcha got, and you’re TOTALLY wrong. and some ten year old bastard knew it, so they let their answer be your answer and you have a stay of execution. in my financial world this is where the balance is already in the red, i’m totally fucked, and one of my cash-friendly buddies has to front me. this is the least expensive of the group, as there’s no interest (yet) – but the one i most want to eliminate lest i forever be known as “that guy”.

now, how i get rid of all three in the next three months i’m not quite sure, but goals are goals, right?