mcm memorial

i have different reasons for keeping this flame burning today…

…’cause it looks like his girl will join him soon. not on the piano – i can’t swing the $300 that will run me. but i’ve been through this with julie, and later with calum. first they stop eating their dry food – the same dry food they’ve eaten for years. so you add canned to it, and then they’ll eat it. then nibble it. then you have to give them STRAIGHT canned food or it’s no go. then it goes to hot dogs. but neither of them went from one extreme to the other faster than buffi has – and she won’t eat any of the above…she’ll take a bit of hot dog from me, but she won’t eat. she just drops it and walks away. i left the bits in their with her just in case, and she’s still drinking plenty of water and getting up and out on her own…but i’m realizing it’s just a matter of time. sorry to be a downer, but keep in mind part of the purpose of this page is for me to vent what’s going on (wrong) in my life, so here we are…

11/10/2007: “MCM II (the last calum bit, quite possibly)”
i have to admit, i never saw it coming…

…seriously.

with calum’s liver issue, i was told he’d have good days and bad days. last night was one of his best ones – he went to the restroom both ways, if you know what i’m saying and i think you do…and he ate well (honey mesquite chicken) and drank lots of water. he ran all over hell’s half acre, and while shaky on his feet, he was still running about and only lost his breath once. we hung out all night. we watched the spurs. we even took a daddy doggie portrait…

then i passed out…but was woken up at 3:30 am and he had somehow, some way, wrapped himself around the post of my bed…his butt was sticking out from under my side of the bed, his head out from under the foot board. i told him i didn’t want to know how or why that happened…i just helped him out and got him water, which he didn’t drink. he was breathing really hard but i chalked that up to him being freaked out from being stuck under the bed. i kissed him on the nose and he leaned up to kiss me back but was breathing too hard to do so. he settled in and i went back to bed, but couldn’t sleep ’cause he was breathing so hard…but i am a light sleeper.

about an hour later the breathing has settled down just enough to where i felt like i could drift off…and just when i was about to, i heard him scrambling to stand. he wasn’t able to, but he was REALLY trying – and i figured he needed to go outside.

“need out, son?”, i asked, and i climbed out of bed to help him to his feet, but before i could even touch him he let a long, loud, fart out (i realized at that point that in eleven years i’ve never heard him fart – so i’ve never been able to “blame the dog”) and a huge river of urine started to flow out from under him. that was the first time i looked at his face and saw his head turned funny and his lip curled up all funky. i ran out to the kitchen and got paper towels – when i came back his face was back to normal…and while he wasn’t able to sit up, or pick his head up, he did start wagging his tail when he saw me come in the room.

i saw that as a good sign.

once i cleaned up the floor, and him for the most part (couldn’t really get to what was up under him) i decided if this was it, he needed to go out comfy. i grabbed a huge towel i have and doubled it over itself and spread it across the foot of the bed. i then picked up calum (he groaned when i did and was pretty much limp in my arms) and set him down on the bed. i then crawled into bed sideways next to him…with what was almost his last bit of strength he climbed up on his elbows, craned his neck forward, and licked my nose. i kissed his back. then he laid his head down. i lay there next to him, petting him and talking to him for over half an hour. i turned off the light mid-way through ’cause i could tell it was bugging him…and all of a sudden the other three dogs erupted in barks and whines.

i went to get up and almost stumbled ’cause laying sideways meant my foot was dangling off the bed real bad and it had fallen asleep…as i limped out of the room i put my hand on calum’s head in the dark, leaned down, and whispered, “when i get back remind me to re-position you length-wise so i can lay down more normally…my foot is WAY asleep!”. i then kissed him between the eyes and walked out to the den.

i was gone about two minutes but when i walked back in the dark room i went to lay my hand on calum’s head and felt nothing but towel. i went and turned on the bathroom light so i could see but not bug his eyes…and was freaked when i saw he has actually re-positioned himself length-wise, with his head up towards the pillow, and the rest of him on the towel. he was facing my side of the bed, like he was waiting for me…

…i was impressed. i always said he understood when i spoke to him, and this kinda proved it.

i left the light on and lay down. i started complimenting him for his move as i rolled over and looked at his face…the sparkle had almost left his eyes, and his tongue was kinda hanging out sideways. i looked down and he was still breathing, but just barely. i reached my arm up under his head and cradled it next to my chest – he slid slightly over so we were all cuddly. i once again kissed him between the eyes and on his nose and i said, “son, your daddy will ALWAYS love you – but i don’t want you to suffer, and if you have to let go now, it’s okay…”. no sooner had i said it and he let out this sigh like breath across my face and was gone…

Michael Calum McCauley – 7/??/1996 – 11/10/2k7

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  • sinderella Nov 17, 2010 @ 13:36

    You just made me cry!