the sixer fifteen years in the making…or something like that

so, recently i had a friend wander back into my life after a fifteen year absence…

…or maybe i kinda dragged her back in kicking and screaming. could go either way. anywho, she’s now married, with a kid and a career. fifteen years ago she was a care-free college student with tons of brains, ambition, and potential. she’s utilized all of the above to get a nice house, a family life, and a career. nicely done, from where i’m sitting.

if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad…or so sheryl crow tells me.

meanwhile, fifteen years ago i was a loud, obnoxious guy with tons of brains and wit, little ambition, and completely sure that my chosen field (radio) would take care of me even though at the time it was a really cool job with frighteningly low pay (i was paid $5 an hour for anybody who cares, and this was in 1995). fast forward my life to today and i’m STILL a loud, obnoxious, anything BUT attractive guy with tons of brains and wit, a little more ambition, and completely sure that i would rather sell fruit by the side of the road than ever work in corporate america again…or something like that.

basically, the whole situation has made me happy she’s back around (against her will or not, damn it!) and more than a little bit introspective. so, thanks to all that, i bring you…

six things that back when i was twenty-five i figured i woulda done by the time i was forty but with less than a year to go it doesn’t look like it’s happening…

(not to be confused with six things i WANT to do before i’m forty, like “set foot on irish soil” and “buy a harley” and shit like that…and it should be noted these aren’t in any particular order)

1. be world famous – now, one could argue with this site getting over six hundred average hits a day every month from every continent on the planet (save for antarctica) that i’ve slightly accomplished this, but i saw it being in radio…than i noticed that while maybe a quarter of my friends did radio full time and nothing else (some of which had loaded parents) the bulk of them had to take second jobs or share a house to make things work. i’ve never had a roommate and never will, so this woulda driven me batshit…

2. i’d be divorced – i’ve always said i’ll never get divorced ’cause i’ll be super choosy about who i marry, learn from my parent’s mistakes, etc, etc…but let’s face it, it’s more common than not in our generation to be married more than once – but given the fact you tend to lose half your shit, i don’t see this not happening yet being a BAD thing…quite the opposite, actually. and statistically me getting married after forty means i probably WILL be married only once…if at all.

3. i’d have kids – these were almost combined in number two, but i figured they needed to be addressed individually. even if i NEVER got married i figured i’d have “slipped one past the goalie” by now (sports analogy courtesy of my friend josh, who actually used the term to describe when he got his girlfriend, now wife, pregnant…). as mentioned a while back shane and i have a thousand dollar wager that i’ll hit fifty with no wife or kids (i.e. if i DO get married and have a kid i owe him a grand) at this point. he talks about getting me some uber-fertile mail-order latin bride if we start getting too close and i’m still single…but i did agree that if i got a vasectomy before i turn fifty (a distinct possibility) he doesn’t have to pay out to me when he loses…

4. i’d be out of lockhart – this is partially due to my knack for finding really cool jobs that pay very little but are fun. than i finally get one that pays well but wasn’t fun (dell) and actually looked into moving up closer to them. good thing i didn’t given how that all turned out in the modern obamaconomy, huh? but at this point i feel i’m almost TOO settled…it’s nice, and i’ll probably always own the house, but i think it might go rental after the toll road turns l-town into a commuter community for the reals and i’ll head out from there. maui? vegas? pensacola? time will tell…

5. i’d have a masters or phd – yeah, yeah, i know the argument on this…”it’s never too late”. but you remember that older annoyance when you were in college? typically female, and there for her degree now that the kids were out of the house so she can get her life back on track after having kids to early and having to give up all her ambitions for motherhood? yeah, she was the age i am NOW. i can’t be THAT guy…

6. run for the border – it’s sad, really…lived in texas my whole life, never been to mexico. why? ’cause i KNOW i’ll drink. dead on KNOW it. and when i drink, i get even more loud and obnoxious most of the time. the real problem? mexico doesn’t like you like that – especially when you don’t speak the language. i’ve avoided going to jail in america (sometimes miraculously) – i sure as fuck don’t need to do it in mexico…and, c’mon – we ALL know it’ll happen!