god bless taco cabana

it was a former boss who put it best…

…taco cabana margaritas have three positives going for ’em:

1. they’re cheap
2. they’re pretty good
3. they’re portable

the last one isn’t condoned by taco cabana OR TABC (texas acoholic beverage commission) – in fact, it’s kind of outlawed by them both. but it works. this is when the emails usually start.

believe it or not, i get emails that contain something like the following…

“dude, you always write about texas shit – but you DO realize a lot of your readers don’t live in texas, right?”

fair enough…

two things should be hastily pointed out:

1. when anybody (regardless of who they are) writes they “envision” an audience – in my case, it’s people i know (JAB, shane, ME, sinderella, etc) all of which happen to live in texas and, as a result, will get colloquial references…

2. we’re all adults here – just because (statistically speaking, depinding on how you do the math) 98% of the americans that could read this page (increase the 98% exponentially if you want to look at the world-wide audience) don’t live in texas that falls into the wonderful umbrella category of “not my fucking problem”. learn your texas references or read some new shit. we have “google”, motherfucker – make your mama proud!

let’s move on…

i am sitting at my dining room table sipping on a taco cabana margarita. is this 100% legal in the eyes of texas law?

FUCK no.

i am twenty miles from the nearest taco cabana and forty-five miles from the restaurant where the drink was purchased. again – legal? far from…but this goes back to the number three that started this bit to begin with, coupled with some ingenuity on my behalf.

(before we go any further it should be noted that this bit (and the drink that inspired it) is all going down at (checks time) 6:53pm on june 2nd, a few days before this bit will be read, so good luck on taking any legal action on this)

for that matter, i learned how to deal with this FROM my cop friends. see, i have several police (sheriff, state trooper, probation officer, parole officer…) friends who have all gotten drunk around me and gone OFF on how shows like “CSI” make their job out to be glamorous (they say it’s far from) and easy (ditto). in fact, one thing they’ve expressed to me NUMEROUS times was that whatever time line CSI spells out for something to happen, multiply that by ten (or more) and you get reality.

i decided to use that to my advantage…

…because after taking a rita and a half to go (courtesy of a cute lil’ girl at pic n’ pac selling me two empty big gulp sized cups for fifty cents) from taco cabana i end up getting pulled over (for no reason, i should add) by a police officer between said cabana and my house. he asked to see the cup.

i responded with, “no problem – as soon as you show me the warrant that justifies you looking through my shit”.

on tv they respond with, “we can have a warrant in ten minutes…” – but on tv they get DNA results in ten minutes, and my cop friends say that takes weeks…so i decided to see if the warrant would really be quick.

he let me go.

so now i have my drink, un-searched, on my table as i write this. god bless CSI and my cop friends who tell me how it REALLY works. and god bless taco cabana for their loose (READ: non-existent) patio security.

**okay, now that i’m a LOT more sober i read this for editing purposes at (checks time again 9:02am on friday, and it should be noted that i didn’t ACTUALLY get pulled over, that was just an embellishment for dramatic effect, and that i don’t condone, endorse, support, embrace, recommend, or suggest drinking AND driving let alone drinking WHILE driving…there – that oughta keep my lawyers happy!**