highway to hell?

texas is a big fuck-all chunk of land…

…hell, we’re a state that’s bigger than the entire country of france. true. shit, we even brag about it on stickers and t-shirts:

but, to my knowledge, we only have one road where i shoulda seen what i was expecting to see on the way back from depeche mode the other night – and i didn’t see it. believe it or not this a reader’s poll entry, it’s just gonna take a while to get there…

as most people know, interstate highways have “mile markers” to help identify exits and, in between those exits, let you know where you are. they are placed EVERY mile so if you have some kind of breakdown or see a wreck or whatever you have a point of reference, which is especially important on your more desolate stretches of road. you get out in the desert area of west texas and saying you’re “by mile marker 74” makes a shitload more sense than saying you’re “past the sixty-fourth scrub brush outside of el paso”. little known fact – they run east to west, regardless of which way you’re traveling, as well as south to north…so if you’re ever traveling west or south and wonder how long you have till you reach the state line, just look at the mile markers…

…and if you’re traveling north or east you’re fucked. at least as far as that idea is concerned.

that being said we have two major interstates that pass through texas – i35, which connects mexico to canada (and is the only road that does so if i recall – that baja shit attached to california doesn’t count) and i10, which connects the pacific and atlantic oceans (i’ve been to both ends of that one).

(as a side note, we also have two “interstates” that aren’t true interstates in that while they’re federally funded they never actually leave texas soil and aren’t used to just connect other interstates – they’re stand alone – i37, which connects downtown san antonio with the gulf coast, and i27 which connects lubbock to amarillo. we’re the only state in the continental u.s.a. to have this, probably ’cause we’re so fuck-all huge)

but back to the “normal” interstates…i don’t know what the highest exit number on i35 would be – i know my former place of employment (dell) was exit 251, with exit 1 being in laredo just across the mexican border. it would end at the oklahoma border and i know that’s not another four hundred some odd miles away ’cause i’ve driven it several times. that being said, i10 is a LOT longer ’cause it goes up into the eight hundreds or some shit…

(yet another side note – when i drove alex back from miami i pointed out the “countdown” of the mile markers in florida…how we got off i75 and you saw exit 145 or whatever on i10 and it counted down till we crossed into alabama, which only went to mile marker 45 or whatever, and even louisiana wasn’t THAT high, then you cross into texas and you’re in the eight hundreds)

anywho, the point i’m taking a year to get to is that somewhere, west of houston but east of san antonio, there SHOULD be mile marker “666”. i figured i wouldn’t’ see it, as it was probably stolen and hanging on some kids apartment wall. i’m not gonna lie – part of the reason i was looking for it was to steal it and hang it on the wall in my office. much to my (non) surprise i didn’t see it on my way to houston – or on the way back, for that matter. but what was weird was it was COMPLETELY gone. there wasn’t even a pole where the sign shoulda been. it was just bare – went from marker “667” to marker “665” with exactly two miles between the two. this makes me think one of three things:

1. whoever stole sign (from both sides) ALSO stole the poles? but as they’re in the ground pretty good and also pretty long i doubt this one is the case.

2. as Texas is kinda the buckle of the bible belt they won’t allow it to even exist lest it open some gateway to “the other side” or whatever christian nonsense would fit this situation…keep in mind most tall office buildings also go from floor twelve to floor fourteen for similar reasons.

3. it got stolen so much the state (or feds, or whoever) just said, “fuck it” and stopped putting it up.

my vote is for the last one – what’s yours?

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Leia Sep 10, 2009 @ 1:27

    Mile marker 666 is like the 13th floor of most high-rise buildings… it doesn’t exist. So TECHNICALLY, mile marker 667 is the real 666, as the 14th floor is technically the 13th.
    A lot of hotels in New York don’t have a room 911 anymore… there’s 910 and 912, but no 911.
    So that’s that.

  • the redhead Sep 10, 2009 @ 3:24

    And just FYI….there is a I-96 in MI that goes from Detroit to the west side of the state and no further. I-4 is only in FL. And I know you said “continental” USA, but just also for the FYI, Oahu has the H1, H2, H201, and H3…all interstates. Despite the name “interstate”, there is something about the definition of an interstate that allows it to stay in one state, forgot what it is. Might need to go to CA to see if they have any mile markers 666.

  • sean Sep 10, 2009 @ 17:05

    leia, i hate to somewhat disagree, but i actually clocked it on my odometer – and mile marker 667 is actually at mile 667, and 665 is actually at 665 – the mile dead center between the two is unmarked. in your metaphor the 14th floor doesn’t magically hover ten feet above the twelfth floor – it’s just the 13th renamed by some superstitious idiot…but actually occupies the space. in this case there’s just no marker for something that’s actually there…